I Don't WANNA!....Step 10

We are on day 10 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

10. Stubbornness

I know it’s hard to admit, but sometimes you are just wrong. Other people have just as much capability as you do in providing the correct answer, so stop being stubborn and just embrace it. The less stubborn you act, the more open you are to learning new things. Think of all you could be exposed to if you stopped believing in opinions other than your own.

Ouch. lol. 

Stubbornness can lead to many different things and is usually fueled by pride and ego. You have to get past yourself so that you can see things and situations for what they are. For what they REALLY are, or you will miss out on good people, situations, or things that could better yourself.

“Well, I'm stubborn and wrong, but at least I know it.” 
― Vanessa Carlton

PERSISTENCE vs STUBBORNNESS

Because there is a difference, and it is usually in the back end of the transaction. They can look the same, but your driver behind your actions? And how you proceed within the action? Do you listen to others along the way? Is your end goal positive or something uplifting for yourself or others. Does it make sense? Are you open to other options or ideas or is it your way or the highway? I run a business. I have many people that I work with and people that contribute to my team. So many people and so many opinions, suggestions, personalities, ideas. etc. I have to remain open and listen to others. My way is not always the best way. Sometimes, it's not the best way at all. Sometimes, what is motivating my idea or thought is not the best idea for the group. I have to be able to step back and realize when that is happening and make changes. On the flip side, if I believe in something, I have to be able to implement it no matter what. It's not always the masses that want what is best for the masses. You cannot please everyone. Don't spend your time trying to convince or please the naysayers when it is not in the best interest of the community.

“There's none so blind as those who will not listen.” 
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

• Listen to the other side of the story
• Know that you are not always right
• Trust other people, not just you
• Be humble
• Keep an open mind
• Realize being stubborn is good in some cases

This is a hard one to realize sometimes. There is a fine line between holding your ground for something and being pig headed. It requires a lot of inquiry into oneself. Be true to yourself. This is always but especially here, or you could steam plow yourself into a situation by yourself.

Do More of What Makes YOU Happy.... Step 17

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Let go of....

17. Depending On Others For Happiness

At the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake many people do and put your happiness in the hands of others. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.

I am a people pleaser. Not someone that will tell you what you want to hear.  I want everyone to be happy, sometimes to my own detriment.  I will go as far as making myself uncomfortable to keep someone else happy. I like to call it being 'unselfish'. In reality, it  handicaps myself and the people involved.  How many times have I gone out of my way to do something for someone or BE a certain way for someone only to find that it wasn't exactly what they wanted or, they changed their mind.  I find at times that I am doing so much for others, I don't really know what I want anymore. 

Excerpt from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-people-let-other-people-compromise-their-happiness-p1/

What to Do About It:

1. Consider the benefits of letting people dislike you if that’s their choice.

2. Don’t think about being liked; think about being respected.

I am a major people pleaser. I want everyone to like me all the time, and it pains me when someone sees me in a negative light. When I want to say no but feel hesitant, I remember: that person may be annoyed with me in that moment, but eventually they will respect that I communicated what I need and want.

3. Focus on what you did right; not what you did wrong.

If you feel bad that you didn’t drive your sister to work, think of everything you achieved by saying no. You gave yourself time to work on your art. You acknowledged how you felt even though it was tough. And maybe you motivated your sister to finally take her license test. Sometimes it benefits someone in the long run to hear no in the moment.

Some people fall into these patterns on occasion, whereas others live in a constant state of blaming and stressing about other people’s opinions. I know I’ve done my share of both. Both leave me feeling restless and out of control.

On some level, control is always an illusion. Very little is certain in this world. The only things we can control are: what we do, how we interpret things that happen to us, and how we respond to other people’s actions. It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt said:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Conversely, no one can make your happy. No one except for you.

Unfortunately, people naturally take advantage of situations. We will milk it for all its' worth, or all THEY are worth. For people who really are very giving, this is a hard pill to swallow.   I had a friend tell me once that I would know when I was truly starting to do things for myself, when I made plans or thought of situations, completely void of anyone else.  As simple as that sounds, I found I wasn't doing that as often as I would have thought.

What to Do About It

1. Let the past remind you other people can’t make you happy.

You’ve likely had other relationships. Other people have probably given you things you wanted before. Did that solve everything? Did your life suddenly become perfect? When you realize it has never worked that way, it’s easier to acknowledge it won’t in the future, either. Which then leads you to evaluate whatyou can do for yourself.

2. Identify the benefits of taking responsibility.

It’s scary to take full responsibility for your happiness. If it’s all on you, you have to do something. Find your purpose. Fulfill your passions. Take initiative and keep doing it. It also means you can feel happy without depending on someone else. What better tool to have inside you then the power to make yourself feel good no matter who is in your life?  

3. Consider the idea of impermanence in relationships.

Not even marriage ensures someone will be in your life forever. Death or divorce could change everything—it’s just a fact of life. Do you really want to pin your joy to a moving target? Relationships are always in flux, and can end at any time. By finding joy within yourself, you set the stage for lasting bliss. What can you do today to tap into happiness?

Your challenge for today....make a list. What things make you happy. Things of those things you do, situations you are in, places you go, etc, that bring you to a place of peace. Write those situations down, and then...? Well, do more of it. The people that are around you that truly care for YOUR happiness, will still be there, and will like the you, YOU are better. 

A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. Jawan