Some things are not meant to RESSURECT

I had the opportunity recently to take some time away from my everyday for a little R and R.  I made a few local trips last year but none that weren't related to a show, and none for me. So, this was the first time I had actually gotten out in over a year. I decided earlier in the year that this was necessary and one day just booked a trip. I saw a few ticket prices to Miami and I have never been to Florida.  Those that know me know that Miami is not really my speed for 'relaxing', so I booked the trip instead, to Ft Lauderdale with the thinking that if I wanted to get into something crazy, I would take the short drive to Miami.  The trip came faster than I knew but immediately after my first show of the year, so I was excited to be able to get away.   

During this time, relaxing was the main thing but I also wanted to reflect on things in my life, where I was, and just reset emotionally, mentally, etc.  There were two main things I wanted to share that left the most impact on me during those few days.

THE SUN RISES for EVERYONE

I went running every morning on the beach before breakfast. There was one morning I went to the beach right across the street from my hotel. Another morning, I biked further south, at least 5-7 miles first, before I began my run. When I entered the beach in both instances, the sun looked the same. It was centered in the background shining on the long expansion of sand to my left and right.  I know how the universe works, but for some reason, I was expecting it to be further up or out of my view because I had moved further along the beach. lol. 

Sometimes, we get hung up on feeling badly because we don't have what we need or we don't think we have enough.  Most of the time we have what we need. We just decide to 'sleep in' and with your hustle from day to day, you miss the basic things that are always there for you.  Take the time to reflect on the quiet and the people, friends, family, situations, etc that have always been there for you. The people and situations that are your rock don't usually change, because they ARE consistent. Don't establish your base with people or things that don't have roots. When you need to come back to them, they need to be there, unconditionally and ready to rejuvenate you. Choose who falls into this bucket wisely. 

LETTING GO does not mean GIVING UP

I love being outdoors, and I love the sun. I can put good use into a pair of sneakers when the weather is right. Last summer, I bought my first pair of Brooks, which is a really great brand of running shoe.  I did an impulse purchase actually, because I was supposed to go to boot camp outdoors with one of my trainers, and I forgot to pack my sneakers. I stopped off at the first running store I found but it was a great store. They tested my running pattern on a treadmill to determine which sneaker would work best. I found that I  have a neutral gait but apparently a choosy color selection because every color I chose, they did not have. lol. So, LITERALLY 7 pairs later, I found a color I could wear every day. 

Now, you are supposed to change out your sneakers almost as often as you change your oil in your car depending on how much you run. Every 3000 miles or every 3 months. During the summer, I can run at least 4 days a week. By August, I should have been ready for new shoes. THEY WERE SO COMFORTABLE. I even had someone send me new ones for Christmas, but I continued to wear my old shoes. One day, someone in class says, ' Are those your socks?'  I looked down at my shoes, and sure enough, my toe was poking out of the side. lol. Ah, I think it's really time to let go.  

While I was in FL, I took one last picture, posted above, as a final farewell.  I knew I wouldn't NOT wear them unless I didn't have them. What better place to bury my shoes than the sunny state of Florida.   We do this in life too, right? Sometimes, you outgrow things, people, situations. Sometimes, things in your life just need to be replaced.  You've had them too long, or they are no longer useful to you in the capacity you had originally intended. No longer GOOD for you, no matter how USED to them you have gotten.  But we hang on to it, because we're used to it. It still feels ok, for the most part.  It feels ok because we're used to the feeling and we are afraid the 'new pair' will hurt our feet. 

When I finally put on the new pair, my ankles hurt and my shins were sore. NOT because these were bad shoes, but because I wore the OLD shoes too long. The new shoes had to correct what bad posture I had established in a pair of shoes I should have let go of a long time ago. There will be growing pains. There is PAIN when you have GROWTH, but you have to move forward, let go, and sometimes, go through a little discomfort to finally come to a better place.

These are my sneakers by the trash at the hotel. Even looking at this makes me a little sad.  

Courage is a choice. Choose courage over fear. 

Are you a slave?

I had my kettlebell class last night, and had a new person drop in to try the class out. IF you are ever interested in dropping in on a class and live in or work in the NYC area, shoot us an email, support@phoenyxfitness.com. #shamelessplug

So, this new client was wearing a shirt that referenced a bible verse on the front. I Corinthians 9 25-27, and I  had to ask...

ME : Oh,so I noticed the bible verse on your shirt. What does that verse mean?
Her: Like what is the verse? Oh I don't know.
ME: What do you mean you don't know? You're just wearing a shirt quoting something and you don't know what it means? What if someone asks you? What do you say?
Her: I've never had anyone ask me.
ME: *side eye* (I turn to another student) Did you see her shirt?
Her #2: Yes
ME: Were you wondering what the verse meant?
Her #2 Oh it's a bible verse. I thought it was a date. I thought, Oh , maybe that's her birthday. September ...or something.
o_0

LOL. We joked about it a little longer, but I told her I was going to look it up when I got home and shoot her a note, so she didn't walk around with this shirt on like a person that walks around with a tattoo in another language and doesn't know 'exactly' what it means.

When I did get home to look it up, I thought, 'how appropriate' after I read it. This is what is says in NIV translation:

"25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

For those of you who don't believe in religion, the bible, God, etc. let's get past that for a moment and just read what this is saying. In my line of work, I deal with 'athletes'. Not always professional athletes, but people who train, and YES strict training.  That 'crown' that will not last for my competitors is that trophy on stage.  For my athletes training for a race, or sport, it's that finish line or that win. Whatever or whoever it is, everyone trains to obtain a certain something at the end of that journey. Even the every day person's 'crown' is  a new body whether it be for health reasons or image.  

The part I want to focus on is the last verse...'I beat my body and make it my slave....(so) I myself will not be disqualified for the prize'. MAKE it a SLAVE is a powerful statement.  

Slave defined

• a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.

  
  
• a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
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So, if you are making your body your SLAVE you control it. You make it, mold it, train it, tell it what to do. YOUR body is dependent on you, NOT the other way around. How many of you have repeated any of the below statements while training, dieting, etc....

• 
  
• 'I had a craving for a *fill in the blank* and I couldn't help myself...'
• ' Everyone else was out drinking and I could not be the only one that wasn't so I just had a few...'
• ' I was so tired so I did half my cardio. I'll 'make it up' tomorrow'

Who's in control? Is your body functioning in line with your mind or are you allowing your body to control YOU? There are no 'cravings'. Your body wants what you allow it to have. If you never had chocolate, you wouldn't crave it. Once you have it and you like it, if you want it again, and you don't have it what happens? Do you DIE because your chocolate gene hasn't been nurtured? No, it goes away and you live to see another day, maybe a few pounds lighter.

This is mostly for my athletes, which is anyone within the breadth of this message that I am training, pro or not, striving to reach a particular goal. As you fall back on those excuses, I want you to ask yourselves what do you really want. What is your ultimate goal. Are you going to control your destiny, your body or are you a slave to food, alcohol,...fill in the blank.  What have you become excessively dependent upon? 

This could turn into a very interesting segway, but for now, we'll leave it with training. :)

• 
  

If I only had .... then, life would be PERFECT....Really? Step 5.....

We are on day 5 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

5. Perfect Life

Just like there is no perfect partner, there is also not a perfect life. Life is what you put into it, so if you are not willing to work hard and put forth effort, you will most likely end up miserable. The choices you make will directly reflect the life you lead. It is up to you to create the best possible world for yourself.

I remember my wedding. I'm not married now, but I've been married before and I planned the entire function myself. I have an incredible amount of respect for people who coordinate these things for a living. It is INSANE. It has so many moving parts and detail. It involves not only dealing with many different people, businesses and places but notifications, deadlines,personalities, traditions, etc. A ton of work over sometimes years for , sometimes, no more than a 20 minute ceremony. The rest is just a party and who doesn't know how to do that. I  still laugh when I hear people say they want the perfect wedding. That my friend is a SETUP for failure. There is no such thing. Someone's kid will start to cry and not go down the aisle. Someone will show up late. Someone will forget to bring something. SOMEONE will do SOMETHING. There is just too much going on. Previously we had expressed how it's important not to place expectations on people.  This is the same thing, on a grander scale. Don't place your expectations on life. As the saying goes, it is, what it is.

When you really believe the above, you really do slow down and appreciate things for what they are.  You cannot change what has happened.  Once life has played out, you take it as it comes and roll with the punches.  Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes, those reasons are not the most evident or will never be made clear. Or, get this, may have nothing to do with you. Sometimes that something is not meant for us to figure out. So what am I saying? I am saying your life is what you put into it. It may not play out the way you want but if you live it to its' fullest, you have no regrets. Love alot, laugh alot, give alot, work hard, play hard, and believe that ever day is that perfect day, because it was as it should have been.

Don't place that expectation on yourself, on your surroundings, on your friends and don't let OTHERS place that expectation on you. You will begin to realize we all have this coded set of rules we live by. We acquired from OUR friends, our family, our environment, etc. A set of rules that everyone SURELY must also live by because we all grew up in the same house right? Wrong. Get it? Everyone's perfect is not the same. My perfect may be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk on a balcony by the beach, which I LOVE all aspects of that statement, btw. LOL. Someone else may hate peanut butter. Someone else may not like sand. Someone else may be afraid of heights, but I shouldn't look at them differently because they feel that way, nor they to me. We go day to day living a life with different people and different lifestyles and backgrounds and expect things to all come together in this perfect ball for US? We aren't even the only ones HERE. Gives a whole nother meaning to thinking the world revolves around us.

I like this quote, but I am probably interpreting it differently than it was meant. My own interpretation of this is not for a particular person. I don't have to have a particular someone around for life to be perfect. I think that can be dangerous to be in that space. People will not always be around physically, mentally or emotionally for you. You cannot base your livelihood on others. BUT, I believe this says that you should appreciate those that are around when they are. Every moment you have with people you truly want to be around you should appreciate those moments. You are not promised those moments or moments after that. If you believe that those moments are perfect moments you won't spend them arguing about the little things. Being upset or mad about simple things. Life is too short. People die every day all over the world. You woke up this morning. I know this because you are reading my words. I guarantee you someone somewhere didn't. Can you imagine how that would be if you woke up, and realized someone you just saw yesterday didn't? Don't wake up wishing you had.....You can't go back.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - This is a task that isn't really a to do or reflective. I am wishing you the best day ever. I want you to go out and look at the world through rose colored lenses. I want to walk out your door and smile at the first person you see. I want you to PURPOSELY have a GREAT DAY. WHY NOT? How many times have we walked out the door and thought, this is going to be a bad day, and IT WAS. YOU are a direct reflection of your thoughts and your mind can bring your thoughts to life. REMEMBER that. You walk your thoughts. When you are thinking while you walk you are distracted. When you reflect on good things you smile, without even thinking about it. When you breathe in life, you emulate joy. Be joyful...And see how many people want to be around you.

HAPPY PERFECT WEDNESDAY!!!

My dog ate my homework....Step 9

We are on day 9 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

9. Excuses

Make no time for excuses. You want to work out, but you don’t have the time? Wake up early and get your gym on. Excuses are only rationalizations that make you feel better about yourself for not doing something you want/need to be doing. You desire results? Stop bitching, and start doing.

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

So, as a professional that trains people in fitness and health, this is my mantra. (wo)Man up! lol.  I can relate this to exercise of course first and foremost. We all have excuses for why we cannot workout. You work crazy hours. You travel alot. You have 12 kids and a family to manage. I have heard it all. I don't discount any person's personal situations. We all have them, and at the end of the day, it's called life..We have to deal with it. Whether we want to or not. Whether we feel we can or not.  How important is it to deal with it is the question.  We wake up everyday and feed ourselves, walk the dog, tend to our children, go to work, do chores around the house, pay the bills,etc. We don't make up excuses for certain things because we feel we have to do these things. Maybe we feel obligated. Maybe the consequences for not doing certain things aren't great enough to warrant the responsibility. If I don't pay rent, I don't have a place to live. That's pretty serious.  If I don't workout. What's the worst that could happen? I'm a little fat and people want to poke my belly like the Pillsbury dough boy.....

But let's change the consequence. Let's say my doctor told me I have just been diagnosed with diabetes, and I could lose a limb if I don't get in better shape. Oh,... then maybe I have time in my schedule. : /
This is how we are with things , people, situations in our lives unfortunately. We have feel an urgency to realize the importance of something. We have to lose something to gain an appreciation for it. You don't know what you've got til it's gone..right?

Life is about choices and consequences of those choices. The older I've gotten, I've been forced to understand that more and more. The more excuses you give, it starts to fall  on deaf ears. Sometimes, you just have to show up. The smallest thing you do for some people, in your mind, may be a big thing to someone else. Show up for others. Show up for yourself. Make a decision and do it. It may or may not work, but at least you did what you said you would.

I read these points in a blog by Scott Young. Lengthy but a good read.

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/11/22/how-to-stop-making-excuses/

Organizing Your Priorities

What’s more important to you right now? Expanding your finances? Succeeding academically? Improving the quality of your relationships? Excuse making is the result of conflicting priorities. When you don’t have a system for making decisions, the tendency is to just go with whatever feels best in the moment.

You can clear this up by defining what your priorities are. The purpose is to aid when one event conflicts with another. If you have to decide between working on a school project or going on a date, you need to look at your priorities. Which ranks higher? Relationships or academic success.

Priorities clears up the need for excuse making, since it simplifies decisions with conflicting values.

With priorities it’s important to define your major focus and minor focuses. A major focus should get the benefit of any extra attention you have to devote to it. Minor focuses shouldn’t be abandoned, but your goal is to put them on autopilot so most your mental energies are devoted to your major focus.

To give an example, my major focus right now is this business. Earlier this year I realized that if I put a concentrated effort, I could tip the slide to where this business could support me full-time. I’m close to there now, but not quite over the line.

My minor focuses are my health, relationships, social life, Toastmasters and school. These minor focuses continue to be worked on while I improve my income. But most my mental attention is going into ways I can expand this website and offer more value.

Splitting your priorities into a single major focus and several minor focuses makes it far harder to put out excuses. Whenever a conflict arises where I would normally offer an excuse, I can simply think of my priorities. When priorities are clear, it is difficult to justify departing from them.

Breaking Down Discomfort

Mixed-up priorities are only a part of excuse-making. Unwillingness to step into uncomfortable situations is another. Success in almost any effort requires taking risks and facing failure. Becoming a great public speaker requires you get up in front of a big audience and possibly deliver a terrible speech.

The problem is when your priorities dictate you need to take a big step, and you can’t do it. This could mean wanting to improve your business, but not being willing to make cold calls or marketing your product.

What results is excuse-making. You find easier tasks to do and excuse your procrastination. Rationalize away the feeling that you don’t feel comfortable going forward.

The fix here is to break down uncomfortable steps. Laziness is just another manifestation of fear. So if you can’t take the next step, break it into smaller parts you can handle. If you can’t get up on stage to speak, try delivering your speech in front of a few friends. If you can’t make a cold call, try calling someone you already know.

Sometimes, however, a step can’t be broken down. You either need to face it entirely or not at all. In these situations you need to get leverage on yourself. Give a friend $100 of yours to hold onto until you follow through. Make a public commitment. Any of these steps will work.

The next time you catch yourself making an excuse, ask yourself? Does this fit within my priorities? If it doesn’t and you still find yourself making excuses ask yourself if there is any way you could push yourself through the next step.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE:
Especially during this holiday season, there are people in your life that you don't always get to spend time with and see. Take the time to spend with the people you care about. The year starts to take off, and it becomes harder and harder to 'fit people in' :) And get in the gym.
NO excuses....

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” 
― Jordan Belfort

I Don't WANNA!....Step 10

We are on day 10 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

10. Stubbornness

I know it’s hard to admit, but sometimes you are just wrong. Other people have just as much capability as you do in providing the correct answer, so stop being stubborn and just embrace it. The less stubborn you act, the more open you are to learning new things. Think of all you could be exposed to if you stopped believing in opinions other than your own.

Ouch. lol. 

Stubbornness can lead to many different things and is usually fueled by pride and ego. You have to get past yourself so that you can see things and situations for what they are. For what they REALLY are, or you will miss out on good people, situations, or things that could better yourself.

“Well, I'm stubborn and wrong, but at least I know it.” 
― Vanessa Carlton

PERSISTENCE vs STUBBORNNESS

Because there is a difference, and it is usually in the back end of the transaction. They can look the same, but your driver behind your actions? And how you proceed within the action? Do you listen to others along the way? Is your end goal positive or something uplifting for yourself or others. Does it make sense? Are you open to other options or ideas or is it your way or the highway? I run a business. I have many people that I work with and people that contribute to my team. So many people and so many opinions, suggestions, personalities, ideas. etc. I have to remain open and listen to others. My way is not always the best way. Sometimes, it's not the best way at all. Sometimes, what is motivating my idea or thought is not the best idea for the group. I have to be able to step back and realize when that is happening and make changes. On the flip side, if I believe in something, I have to be able to implement it no matter what. It's not always the masses that want what is best for the masses. You cannot please everyone. Don't spend your time trying to convince or please the naysayers when it is not in the best interest of the community.

“There's none so blind as those who will not listen.” 
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

• Listen to the other side of the story
• Know that you are not always right
• Trust other people, not just you
• Be humble
• Keep an open mind
• Realize being stubborn is good in some cases

This is a hard one to realize sometimes. There is a fine line between holding your ground for something and being pig headed. It requires a lot of inquiry into oneself. Be true to yourself. This is always but especially here, or you could steam plow yourself into a situation by yourself.

Are you my judge?...Day 14

We are on day 14 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of....

14. Judgmental Thoughts

Why do people feel the need to constantly worry about what is going on in other people’s lives? If we spent as much time worrying about our own behaviors as we do worrying about those of others, our lives would be a whole lot more meaningful. You have no idea what is going on in another person’s life, so who are you to pass judgment on the way they act?

“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman

This one is one of my favorites.  I find that I judge people when I am in two situations...I am either JEALOUS of what they have or I am SCARED of doing it myself.
Jealousy we touched on previously right? You see how these all seem to come back around to each other? We don't have, so we downplay someone else's game. Haaaaterz....
Fearful...this one can be interesting. Let's say you have a friend that is trying out a new venture. Financial, physical, mental, whatever, something that is not the usual for them.  Something that takes them out of their comfort zone, but something that could potentially be better for them. They should be fearful, but sometimes, so are we. It may take them away from us. It may really make them a better person, and then what does that mean about me? Maybe this something is something I ALSO need to improve on and I don't want to. So...what do we do? We criticize it. We make it sound stupid. All of a sudden it doesn't make sense....And we're the 'friend'.

Excerpt from Positive Provocations
http://positiveprovocations.com/2012/01/15/how-to-be-non-judgmental-of-yourself-and-others/

Why do we judge others? Isnt it really the easy way out? We much rather judge others than look at our own issues. Its the perfect cover. It makes us feel superior, like as if we were better than them and that temporarily makes us feel good.  Least do we realize, we are only dwelling deeper into the abyss of negativity with this action.

Here is something to chew on...

"Judgment is what we add to discernment when we make a comparison (implicit or explicit) between how things or people are and how we think they ought to be. So, in judgment, there’s an element of dissatisfaction with the way things are and a desire to have things be the way we want them to be."
Tiny Buddha - http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-judging-people-makes-us-unhappy/

I had to re read this a few times and really marinate on it. ...'we make a comparison between how things or people ARE and how we think they OUGHT to be...'  Now, this is powerful, because the question is, Who tha hell are you? Why is it that you get to decide how things OUGHT to be?? JUDGEMENT is you pushing your predetermined thoughts and standards on the world. Oh, excuse me....I forgot who you are. : /

Excerpt http://www.3ho.org/3ho-lifestyle/healthy-happy-holy-lifestyle/happy/five-ways-get-rid-judgment-meditation-inner

5 WAYS TO GET RID OF JUDGEMENT

1. Don’t Assume You Know Someone’s Story

Often we project our own self-judgments onto others. For example if someone does not seem to be working as hard as everyone else we assume that person is lazy, lesser than and not deserving of our respect.  We cannot know another person’s unique experience – it is impossible.  Best to take your particular judgment and bring it back to yourself because it is really only about you. In the above example, that person’s ego is identified with being ‘a hard worker’ and will value himself only when they work.

2. Let Life Come to You

In the Aquarian Age, we are shifting our reliance on Time and Space – in the Piscean Age we had to go out and get what we needed.  Now what we need comes to us through magnetic frequency. Have you noticed when you stick to this old way of doing life – that you become exhausted and nothing works anyway? This new way of being is very upsetting to  the mind and you will hear a tirade of panicky judgmental thoughts with the sole purpose of  keeping you under its control. This is part of the process of the changeover.  Trust that your magnetic frequency is bringing everything you need even as you read this.

2. Do Not Believe What You Think

The mind is like a computer – it is constantly measuring and comparing –   it works with contrasts – this or that.  You are not your mind – you are the eternal witness of your mind. Do not identify and attach to thoughts, opinions and the ego’s need to be right.  In fact those thoughts and opinions may not even be yours – inherited from your ancestors or you may be just picking up other free floating thoughts from your co-workers, neighbors – strangers on the street.

3. Stop Should-ing all over yourself

Judgment’s power word is should. Go deeper to explore your unique should -  it often means you are seeking approval from an outside source such as a parent, authority figure or your community.  Start to seek approval only from your higher consciousness. This is your Life –  it is time to stop living someone else’s dream and trying to please everyone.

5. The Secret Antidote to Judgment

The secret antidote for judgment is acceptance. This is 100% acceptance of yourself and where you are in your life in this moment.  When you bring this kind of acceptance to yourself – it will raise the vibrational frequency around you.  If you fully embrace this moment in time, you will notice that you have everything you need.   When you completely accept yourself, you won’t have to try and effort to accept others – you will naturally be accepting of others.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - Let's walk around today without passing judgement on anyone..Remember, acceptance is the key. Just strangers not even people we know. It's Sunday and a church day for some of you....lol..PERFECT.

“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.” 
― Albert Camus, The Fall

Envy ...the ulcer of the soul - Socrates Step 15

We are on day 15 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

15. Jealousy

Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.

Jealousy is ugly and really linked to a few things that you need to let go of that we have already discussed. It's a form of control, at least to the person that is jealous.  It can stem from insecurity.  I tend to struggle with this one as well.  I am loyal and exclusive.  I complained previously about always being that go to person for people and how that can be overwhelming. Well, I tend to instigate that behavior.  I like being the person that people need.  CONTROL! I had 3 people call me superwoman in the past week...And although I don't always have that strength, and need support from others, I love the title.

I think most people think of couples or intimate relationships when they hear the term jealous.  I don't want to focus on just those relationships as you can be jealous of what others have, that you don't. You can be jealous of how someone is prettier, better, richer, etc. than you are. This is behavior that is not including the typical, I wonder if my boyfriend/girlfriend likes someone else or thinks that person is better looking, etc.

There were a few tips I liked from a blog on how to overcome envy.

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/07/13/how-to-overcome-envy/

• Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.

This is really important to remember.  There are words to a gospel song I love where they say, 'you don't know my story. You don't know the things that I've come through. You cannot imagine. The pain the trials I've had to endure' (John P Kee, Life and Favor) This applies to you and each and every person out there. You don't know what it took for someone to get where they are or to obtain the things they have. They don't know these things about you, so how can you compare yourself to someone else. You can only run your race. You will always fail if you compare yourself to others. You will never feel like you have accomplished anything, if it's never as good as someone else.

• Be grateful for what you got.

This is self explanatory. You cannot expect to receive more when you are not even grateful for what you have. Be thankful or you will always be dissatisfied.

• Develop an abundance mentality

This again is a mentality shift. Focus on things you HAVE instead of what you DON'T have. It makes you appreciate those things and people around you.

As you read, you can tell there's a pattern. It's all a mental game. Most of this is just turning around your way of thinking. This applies to intimate and not so personal relationships

• Don't hate, appreciate - You know what helps me? If there is someone out there that I am jealous of or something they have that I want, I go to them and congratulate them. Ask them how they got there. People love to speak on themselves, but more importantly it puts you in a better mental space, and who knows, maybe you learn something new you can apply to your own life.
• You are insatiable - Most people are never satisfied. If you have curly hair, you want it to be straight. If you have a big booty, you want a smaller one. If you don't have a booty, you want a Kim Kardashian badonkadunk.  I wish he communicated better. I wish she wasn't so fat. I wish...I want...We always want the opposite of what we have. You will continue to make yourself unhappy wanting something else.
• There's always someone else - There's always someone prettier, richer, smarter, luckier, more famous, more likeable, etc. Why hate on THAT one, so why hate at all. It just stresses you out, makes you unhappy, and makes the one you are jealous of LOOK even better than you. WHACK

TODAY'S CHALLENGES : Reach out to that chick you don't like, for no good reason, and pay her a compliment. Make a list of those things you have that you are thankful for, or the qualities of that person you are with that you are thankful for. Your significant other lacking ? Of course they are. At least you think so. Think of the things they are good at doing and compliment them on that. Appreciate the things you have. If you did have the things you THINK you really want there would always be something else you THINK you need.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
William Penn 

Do More of What Makes YOU Happy.... Step 17

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Let go of....

17. Depending On Others For Happiness

At the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake many people do and put your happiness in the hands of others. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.

I am a people pleaser. Not someone that will tell you what you want to hear.  I want everyone to be happy, sometimes to my own detriment.  I will go as far as making myself uncomfortable to keep someone else happy. I like to call it being 'unselfish'. In reality, it  handicaps myself and the people involved.  How many times have I gone out of my way to do something for someone or BE a certain way for someone only to find that it wasn't exactly what they wanted or, they changed their mind.  I find at times that I am doing so much for others, I don't really know what I want anymore. 

Excerpt from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-people-let-other-people-compromise-their-happiness-p1/

What to Do About It:

1. Consider the benefits of letting people dislike you if that’s their choice.

2. Don’t think about being liked; think about being respected.

I am a major people pleaser. I want everyone to like me all the time, and it pains me when someone sees me in a negative light. When I want to say no but feel hesitant, I remember: that person may be annoyed with me in that moment, but eventually they will respect that I communicated what I need and want.

3. Focus on what you did right; not what you did wrong.

If you feel bad that you didn’t drive your sister to work, think of everything you achieved by saying no. You gave yourself time to work on your art. You acknowledged how you felt even though it was tough. And maybe you motivated your sister to finally take her license test. Sometimes it benefits someone in the long run to hear no in the moment.

Some people fall into these patterns on occasion, whereas others live in a constant state of blaming and stressing about other people’s opinions. I know I’ve done my share of both. Both leave me feeling restless and out of control.

On some level, control is always an illusion. Very little is certain in this world. The only things we can control are: what we do, how we interpret things that happen to us, and how we respond to other people’s actions. It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt said:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Conversely, no one can make your happy. No one except for you.

Unfortunately, people naturally take advantage of situations. We will milk it for all its' worth, or all THEY are worth. For people who really are very giving, this is a hard pill to swallow.   I had a friend tell me once that I would know when I was truly starting to do things for myself, when I made plans or thought of situations, completely void of anyone else.  As simple as that sounds, I found I wasn't doing that as often as I would have thought.

What to Do About It

1. Let the past remind you other people can’t make you happy.

You’ve likely had other relationships. Other people have probably given you things you wanted before. Did that solve everything? Did your life suddenly become perfect? When you realize it has never worked that way, it’s easier to acknowledge it won’t in the future, either. Which then leads you to evaluate whatyou can do for yourself.

2. Identify the benefits of taking responsibility.

It’s scary to take full responsibility for your happiness. If it’s all on you, you have to do something. Find your purpose. Fulfill your passions. Take initiative and keep doing it. It also means you can feel happy without depending on someone else. What better tool to have inside you then the power to make yourself feel good no matter who is in your life?  

3. Consider the idea of impermanence in relationships.

Not even marriage ensures someone will be in your life forever. Death or divorce could change everything—it’s just a fact of life. Do you really want to pin your joy to a moving target? Relationships are always in flux, and can end at any time. By finding joy within yourself, you set the stage for lasting bliss. What can you do today to tap into happiness?

Your challenge for today....make a list. What things make you happy. Things of those things you do, situations you are in, places you go, etc, that bring you to a place of peace. Write those situations down, and then...? Well, do more of it. The people that are around you that truly care for YOUR happiness, will still be there, and will like the you, YOU are better. 

A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. Jawan