Anything but a carry on will have a fee...Step 12

We are on day 12 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

12. Your Baggage

We have all been hurt one time or another by someone we loved, or we thought we loved. Carrying negative feelings into future relationships will only prove to be disastrous. No two people are the same, so it’s unfair to hold a future partner to a standard set by an ex. Try to begin each new relationship with a clean slate.

Definitions  

noun

1. (pejorative) the feelings you have about your past and the things that have happened to you, which often have a negative effect on your behaviour and attitudes

The important part of this definition is the last part...'often have a negative effect on your behaviour and attitudes'

We all have baggage. We cannot help that. We all have a past. It is how this baggage affects us that makes it a good or bad thing. We have this exercise in kettlebell that we do call a suitcase squat. The foundation of the move is a squat of course and you have two kettelebells, one in each hand.  You squat down until the kettlebells touch the floor and then you stand back up, but you keep the kettelebells in your hands. The move simulates picking up a suitcase, except in this case, you never put it down.  This is your baggage. We walk around carrying all the burdens from our past, and instead of squatting and putting them down, we carry them around with us. It starts to get heavy, and we start to take it out on people around us, making them uncomfortable, judging them and making them 'pay' for something that had nothing to do with them to begin with. 

The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. What is grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion. - Lao Tzu

How many times have we sat and acted a certain way toward someone not because that person did anything to warrant the behavior but because we were hurt previously and are wanting to prevent it from happening again.  #guilty

Emotional baggage is all about fear – Fear of repeating mistakes; fear of hurt being inflicted upon you and fear of being blindsided again by whatever travesty you lived through previously. While fear is a very real and very human emotion, it can be totally debilitating, taking a healthy relationship full of possibilities and halting it under the weight of your memories.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE

This exercise is borrowed from Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT , (www.lifeissuespschotherapy.com). I thought this would be a beneficial exercise in working out the demons of our past. 

Start writing and leave that baggage on the carousel

Not only do you deserve to live “ghost” free, your partner deserves a clean slate and the opportunity to show you who they really are, away from the negative comparisons of relationships past. But how to do just that?

Take out a piece of paper and write down all of the fact-based evidence that proves that this relationship and this partner are different from other dynamics and situations you have experienced. Write down every detail as to how this person and partnership differ (and I mean every detail). When you feel anxious, review this list, take a deep breath and choose to believe in these facts and this logic. Through this process, you essentially re-write the negative code in your head and begin a healthier, more realistic internal dialogue that will keep that “baggage” on the carousel and away from your relationship.

Bare in mind, if you don’t actively (and frequently) work this routine, you will be trapped by the emotion (perpetuated by the fear) and spiral into irrational and damaging protective mechanisms that will quash any future you have with your current love.

“What we think, we become,” - Buddha

Are you my judge?...Day 14

We are on day 14 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of....

14. Judgmental Thoughts

Why do people feel the need to constantly worry about what is going on in other people’s lives? If we spent as much time worrying about our own behaviors as we do worrying about those of others, our lives would be a whole lot more meaningful. You have no idea what is going on in another person’s life, so who are you to pass judgment on the way they act?

“Be curious, not judgmental.” – Walt Whitman

This one is one of my favorites.  I find that I judge people when I am in two situations...I am either JEALOUS of what they have or I am SCARED of doing it myself.
Jealousy we touched on previously right? You see how these all seem to come back around to each other? We don't have, so we downplay someone else's game. Haaaaterz....
Fearful...this one can be interesting. Let's say you have a friend that is trying out a new venture. Financial, physical, mental, whatever, something that is not the usual for them.  Something that takes them out of their comfort zone, but something that could potentially be better for them. They should be fearful, but sometimes, so are we. It may take them away from us. It may really make them a better person, and then what does that mean about me? Maybe this something is something I ALSO need to improve on and I don't want to. So...what do we do? We criticize it. We make it sound stupid. All of a sudden it doesn't make sense....And we're the 'friend'.

Excerpt from Positive Provocations
http://positiveprovocations.com/2012/01/15/how-to-be-non-judgmental-of-yourself-and-others/

Why do we judge others? Isnt it really the easy way out? We much rather judge others than look at our own issues. Its the perfect cover. It makes us feel superior, like as if we were better than them and that temporarily makes us feel good.  Least do we realize, we are only dwelling deeper into the abyss of negativity with this action.

Here is something to chew on...

"Judgment is what we add to discernment when we make a comparison (implicit or explicit) between how things or people are and how we think they ought to be. So, in judgment, there’s an element of dissatisfaction with the way things are and a desire to have things be the way we want them to be."
Tiny Buddha - http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-judging-people-makes-us-unhappy/

I had to re read this a few times and really marinate on it. ...'we make a comparison between how things or people ARE and how we think they OUGHT to be...'  Now, this is powerful, because the question is, Who tha hell are you? Why is it that you get to decide how things OUGHT to be?? JUDGEMENT is you pushing your predetermined thoughts and standards on the world. Oh, excuse me....I forgot who you are. : /

Excerpt http://www.3ho.org/3ho-lifestyle/healthy-happy-holy-lifestyle/happy/five-ways-get-rid-judgment-meditation-inner

5 WAYS TO GET RID OF JUDGEMENT

1. Don’t Assume You Know Someone’s Story

Often we project our own self-judgments onto others. For example if someone does not seem to be working as hard as everyone else we assume that person is lazy, lesser than and not deserving of our respect.  We cannot know another person’s unique experience – it is impossible.  Best to take your particular judgment and bring it back to yourself because it is really only about you. In the above example, that person’s ego is identified with being ‘a hard worker’ and will value himself only when they work.

2. Let Life Come to You

In the Aquarian Age, we are shifting our reliance on Time and Space – in the Piscean Age we had to go out and get what we needed.  Now what we need comes to us through magnetic frequency. Have you noticed when you stick to this old way of doing life – that you become exhausted and nothing works anyway? This new way of being is very upsetting to  the mind and you will hear a tirade of panicky judgmental thoughts with the sole purpose of  keeping you under its control. This is part of the process of the changeover.  Trust that your magnetic frequency is bringing everything you need even as you read this.

2. Do Not Believe What You Think

The mind is like a computer – it is constantly measuring and comparing –   it works with contrasts – this or that.  You are not your mind – you are the eternal witness of your mind. Do not identify and attach to thoughts, opinions and the ego’s need to be right.  In fact those thoughts and opinions may not even be yours – inherited from your ancestors or you may be just picking up other free floating thoughts from your co-workers, neighbors – strangers on the street.

3. Stop Should-ing all over yourself

Judgment’s power word is should. Go deeper to explore your unique should -  it often means you are seeking approval from an outside source such as a parent, authority figure or your community.  Start to seek approval only from your higher consciousness. This is your Life –  it is time to stop living someone else’s dream and trying to please everyone.

5. The Secret Antidote to Judgment

The secret antidote for judgment is acceptance. This is 100% acceptance of yourself and where you are in your life in this moment.  When you bring this kind of acceptance to yourself – it will raise the vibrational frequency around you.  If you fully embrace this moment in time, you will notice that you have everything you need.   When you completely accept yourself, you won’t have to try and effort to accept others – you will naturally be accepting of others.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - Let's walk around today without passing judgement on anyone..Remember, acceptance is the key. Just strangers not even people we know. It's Sunday and a church day for some of you....lol..PERFECT.

“People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves.” 
― Albert Camus, The Fall