Real recognize real...

The almighty dollar..

- Money is the root of all evil
- Money can't buy you happiness
- Make that money, don't let it make you
- Money talks
- There's no such thing as a free lunch
- Life is a game. Money is how we keep score
- A penny saved is a penny earned....

We shouldn't worship it, but we can't live without it. LITERALLY. You can't buy necessities, food, clothing, shelter, etc. without being able to generate those funds.  How MUCH funds? According to a study done in 2014 by CNN facing off all 50 states against 10 categories, New York was lucky enough to top the list as the most expensive state to live in followed by Hawaii, Connecticut, and California.  If you want to move to the state with the best cost of living rating, you're moving to Kentucky by the way. ;)

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101758236

My discussion though, isn't focusing on determining the best places to live or even money, but your WORTH. Your value, and how that's determined.

In my real estate class, we were discussing the value of the dollar and how that has continued to decline over the years.  A bad thing for us since that is our form of currency so our money is worth less each year, which means we need MORE of it, to buy the same things.  SO, if you aren't receiving raises at a higher rate than the descending value of the dollar, you AREN'T really making more money. But the dollar is our measure of 'success'. The more you have, in other people's eyes the more successful you are. He continued to compare the value of the dollar to precious metals and laid the two against a graph to show how their values have changed over the years. As the dollar continued to drop, the value of precious metal, ie gold, silver, continued to rise. So, why don't we utilize gold coin as a currency?  A totally different conversation...But what he said next was what I found interesting.

" Something real against something real, never changes..."

When you compare something real and truly tangible like gold to something equally tangible, oil for instance, they move together.

The statement was fascinating to me.  And it made me think about who I am lined up with, in my life. Who do I have walking 'with' me that are truly real and are they going in the same direction that I am going. Or, do I have people surrounding me, walking 'with' me, wearing faces and clothes that LOOK valueable, but aren't worth 'the paper they are printed on'.  People who put on the face, but have no value.

Think about it. Know your worth, and line up with people that mirror that.

Thinking is as thinking does...Step 13

We are on day 13 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

" God wants to show you exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond, but it will not happen if you’re speaking defeat over your life. " - Joel Osteen

13. Negativity

What you put out into the universe will come back to you, so change the way you think, immediately. Stop thinking of life as a glass half empty, but rather, half full. You have so much to be grateful for, if only you took a moment to appreciate it. Anything is possible in the mind of a positive thinker.

Garbage in, garbage out.  You reap what you sow. Look at the glass as half full, not empty.   

We have all these sayings that we throw around, and this step seems so simple. If you don't want negativity, don't think it. Simple, right?  Our minds are so amazing, that even reigning in on what we think is an exercise in itself. 

The longer you think on something, whether it be true or not, you start to believe it.

- Your swagger portrays it.
- Your dialogue dictates it.
- Your actions mirror it.
- Your family believes it.
- Your friends receive it.

I had the distinct pleasure of attending an improv class with Marishka Phillips , a prominent acting coach in NYC (http://marishkasphillips.com/) and she made mention to what I found a fascinating thought while we were doing an exercise. She said to recollect to our earliest thoughts, which is usually around the age of 5, and try to remember who planted certain thoughts in your head at that time that you still believe today. She said you aren't born thinking a certain way. Someone had to plant these seeds in your mind. WHOA..Think about how amazing that is..Just for a second. Let's say at 5 or before or after, but as a child and for many years, you were told by "fill in the blank" that you were ugly.   This is someone important to you, parent, teacher, close relative, care giver, etc. Repeated words are reinforced daggers that eventually wear at your self image, and make their perception, your reality. Then, it doesn't matter how you look, or what others say. You believe an f'd up visual whittled into your mind by someone else.

This is coming from an outside source. So, imagine what it's like if it's in your own mind. No one lives there, but you, and your mind has all day every day to remind you of things......

BACK up a second.  I'm not really stupid and lazy?

So what do you do? It is a true exercise of your daily thoughts:

1. Watch what I like to call POP UPS - You know how you have the pop up windows on your browser that don't load unless you set it up to automatically load. This is how our mind is sometimes with negative thoughts. I had a client who always said, I can't do that, during our sessions no matter WHAT it was. This is the worst thing you can say to me. It's  like saying you don't like a food you never tried. I told her then that every time she said that, she owed me money. This started to add up, and she realized how often she expressed this, instead of trying. Don't give your pop ups permission.

2. You are a reflection of the company you keep - As much as this may hurt, THIS is OOOH so important. Birds of a feather flock together. If you surround yourself with negativity, which can manifest in situations, circumstances and YES people, you will breed the same. When you go to Disney World, Mickey Mouse doesn't throw tomatoes at you when you walk in. lol. If he, the environment, or anyone there, were any less than super festive, it would not be Disney. People always say to surround yourself with like minded people......Letting go of people that are not on the same page as you, especially when it pertains to your mental health , is not being snotty. It's called growth.

3. SMILE - I don't think I need to tell you how to do this or the benefits. You would be amazed how different your circumstances feel if you just laugh a little. 

4. Negative thoughts are just THOUGHTS - How many of you 'play' the stock market? You buy a commodity at a certain price. Now, the market can yo yo up and down all day long, but until you SELL, your LOSS is not realized. Our thoughts, positive or negative, are just that. THOUGHTS. ...I am ugly, I am not good enough, I am too fat, I am not as smart, ...thoughts, words running through your head. They don't have legs until you give them legs. When these thoughts pop into your head, get rid of them, before it takes a life of its' own. The phrase, 'It's all in your head' is REAL.

5. VERIFY- So a thought comes flying through your mind...They won't like me. I'm too fat....Put on your mental brake... Why did I think that? Did someone say they didn't like me? Did someone say I was fat? And if so, who tha HELL are they ?(judgement blog was yesterday...please re read to refresh) Why does it matter to me IF they like me? Why do I need their approval?  Don't let your mind discount who you are...Prove it!

Today's Challenge - This may be a little time consuming, but worth it if you have the time. List the negative thoughts you have throughout the day. At the end of the day, take a look at your list and put the thoughts through the verification exercise. Initially, I think you would need to write it down,but ideally what you want is to be able to catch these thoughts throughout your day and assess them as you go. Force yourself to think differently, or ...expect the same result.

Envy ...the ulcer of the soul - Socrates Step 15

We are on day 15 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

15. Jealousy

Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.

Jealousy is ugly and really linked to a few things that you need to let go of that we have already discussed. It's a form of control, at least to the person that is jealous.  It can stem from insecurity.  I tend to struggle with this one as well.  I am loyal and exclusive.  I complained previously about always being that go to person for people and how that can be overwhelming. Well, I tend to instigate that behavior.  I like being the person that people need.  CONTROL! I had 3 people call me superwoman in the past week...And although I don't always have that strength, and need support from others, I love the title.

I think most people think of couples or intimate relationships when they hear the term jealous.  I don't want to focus on just those relationships as you can be jealous of what others have, that you don't. You can be jealous of how someone is prettier, better, richer, etc. than you are. This is behavior that is not including the typical, I wonder if my boyfriend/girlfriend likes someone else or thinks that person is better looking, etc.

There were a few tips I liked from a blog on how to overcome envy.

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/07/13/how-to-overcome-envy/

• Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.

This is really important to remember.  There are words to a gospel song I love where they say, 'you don't know my story. You don't know the things that I've come through. You cannot imagine. The pain the trials I've had to endure' (John P Kee, Life and Favor) This applies to you and each and every person out there. You don't know what it took for someone to get where they are or to obtain the things they have. They don't know these things about you, so how can you compare yourself to someone else. You can only run your race. You will always fail if you compare yourself to others. You will never feel like you have accomplished anything, if it's never as good as someone else.

• Be grateful for what you got.

This is self explanatory. You cannot expect to receive more when you are not even grateful for what you have. Be thankful or you will always be dissatisfied.

• Develop an abundance mentality

This again is a mentality shift. Focus on things you HAVE instead of what you DON'T have. It makes you appreciate those things and people around you.

As you read, you can tell there's a pattern. It's all a mental game. Most of this is just turning around your way of thinking. This applies to intimate and not so personal relationships

• Don't hate, appreciate - You know what helps me? If there is someone out there that I am jealous of or something they have that I want, I go to them and congratulate them. Ask them how they got there. People love to speak on themselves, but more importantly it puts you in a better mental space, and who knows, maybe you learn something new you can apply to your own life.
• You are insatiable - Most people are never satisfied. If you have curly hair, you want it to be straight. If you have a big booty, you want a smaller one. If you don't have a booty, you want a Kim Kardashian badonkadunk.  I wish he communicated better. I wish she wasn't so fat. I wish...I want...We always want the opposite of what we have. You will continue to make yourself unhappy wanting something else.
• There's always someone else - There's always someone prettier, richer, smarter, luckier, more famous, more likeable, etc. Why hate on THAT one, so why hate at all. It just stresses you out, makes you unhappy, and makes the one you are jealous of LOOK even better than you. WHACK

TODAY'S CHALLENGES : Reach out to that chick you don't like, for no good reason, and pay her a compliment. Make a list of those things you have that you are thankful for, or the qualities of that person you are with that you are thankful for. Your significant other lacking ? Of course they are. At least you think so. Think of the things they are good at doing and compliment them on that. Appreciate the things you have. If you did have the things you THINK you really want there would always be something else you THINK you need.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
William Penn 

Do More of What Makes YOU Happy.... Step 17

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Let go of....

17. Depending On Others For Happiness

At the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake many people do and put your happiness in the hands of others. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.

I am a people pleaser. Not someone that will tell you what you want to hear.  I want everyone to be happy, sometimes to my own detriment.  I will go as far as making myself uncomfortable to keep someone else happy. I like to call it being 'unselfish'. In reality, it  handicaps myself and the people involved.  How many times have I gone out of my way to do something for someone or BE a certain way for someone only to find that it wasn't exactly what they wanted or, they changed their mind.  I find at times that I am doing so much for others, I don't really know what I want anymore. 

Excerpt from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-people-let-other-people-compromise-their-happiness-p1/

What to Do About It:

1. Consider the benefits of letting people dislike you if that’s their choice.

2. Don’t think about being liked; think about being respected.

I am a major people pleaser. I want everyone to like me all the time, and it pains me when someone sees me in a negative light. When I want to say no but feel hesitant, I remember: that person may be annoyed with me in that moment, but eventually they will respect that I communicated what I need and want.

3. Focus on what you did right; not what you did wrong.

If you feel bad that you didn’t drive your sister to work, think of everything you achieved by saying no. You gave yourself time to work on your art. You acknowledged how you felt even though it was tough. And maybe you motivated your sister to finally take her license test. Sometimes it benefits someone in the long run to hear no in the moment.

Some people fall into these patterns on occasion, whereas others live in a constant state of blaming and stressing about other people’s opinions. I know I’ve done my share of both. Both leave me feeling restless and out of control.

On some level, control is always an illusion. Very little is certain in this world. The only things we can control are: what we do, how we interpret things that happen to us, and how we respond to other people’s actions. It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt said:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Conversely, no one can make your happy. No one except for you.

Unfortunately, people naturally take advantage of situations. We will milk it for all its' worth, or all THEY are worth. For people who really are very giving, this is a hard pill to swallow.   I had a friend tell me once that I would know when I was truly starting to do things for myself, when I made plans or thought of situations, completely void of anyone else.  As simple as that sounds, I found I wasn't doing that as often as I would have thought.

What to Do About It

1. Let the past remind you other people can’t make you happy.

You’ve likely had other relationships. Other people have probably given you things you wanted before. Did that solve everything? Did your life suddenly become perfect? When you realize it has never worked that way, it’s easier to acknowledge it won’t in the future, either. Which then leads you to evaluate whatyou can do for yourself.

2. Identify the benefits of taking responsibility.

It’s scary to take full responsibility for your happiness. If it’s all on you, you have to do something. Find your purpose. Fulfill your passions. Take initiative and keep doing it. It also means you can feel happy without depending on someone else. What better tool to have inside you then the power to make yourself feel good no matter who is in your life?  

3. Consider the idea of impermanence in relationships.

Not even marriage ensures someone will be in your life forever. Death or divorce could change everything—it’s just a fact of life. Do you really want to pin your joy to a moving target? Relationships are always in flux, and can end at any time. By finding joy within yourself, you set the stage for lasting bliss. What can you do today to tap into happiness?

Your challenge for today....make a list. What things make you happy. Things of those things you do, situations you are in, places you go, etc, that bring you to a place of peace. Write those situations down, and then...? Well, do more of it. The people that are around you that truly care for YOUR happiness, will still be there, and will like the you, YOU are better. 

A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. Jawan