Envy ...the ulcer of the soul - Socrates Step 15

We are on day 15 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

15. Jealousy

Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.

Jealousy is ugly and really linked to a few things that you need to let go of that we have already discussed. It's a form of control, at least to the person that is jealous.  It can stem from insecurity.  I tend to struggle with this one as well.  I am loyal and exclusive.  I complained previously about always being that go to person for people and how that can be overwhelming. Well, I tend to instigate that behavior.  I like being the person that people need.  CONTROL! I had 3 people call me superwoman in the past week...And although I don't always have that strength, and need support from others, I love the title.

I think most people think of couples or intimate relationships when they hear the term jealous.  I don't want to focus on just those relationships as you can be jealous of what others have, that you don't. You can be jealous of how someone is prettier, better, richer, etc. than you are. This is behavior that is not including the typical, I wonder if my boyfriend/girlfriend likes someone else or thinks that person is better looking, etc.

There were a few tips I liked from a blog on how to overcome envy.

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/07/13/how-to-overcome-envy/

• Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.

This is really important to remember.  There are words to a gospel song I love where they say, 'you don't know my story. You don't know the things that I've come through. You cannot imagine. The pain the trials I've had to endure' (John P Kee, Life and Favor) This applies to you and each and every person out there. You don't know what it took for someone to get where they are or to obtain the things they have. They don't know these things about you, so how can you compare yourself to someone else. You can only run your race. You will always fail if you compare yourself to others. You will never feel like you have accomplished anything, if it's never as good as someone else.

• Be grateful for what you got.

This is self explanatory. You cannot expect to receive more when you are not even grateful for what you have. Be thankful or you will always be dissatisfied.

• Develop an abundance mentality

This again is a mentality shift. Focus on things you HAVE instead of what you DON'T have. It makes you appreciate those things and people around you.

As you read, you can tell there's a pattern. It's all a mental game. Most of this is just turning around your way of thinking. This applies to intimate and not so personal relationships

• Don't hate, appreciate - You know what helps me? If there is someone out there that I am jealous of or something they have that I want, I go to them and congratulate them. Ask them how they got there. People love to speak on themselves, but more importantly it puts you in a better mental space, and who knows, maybe you learn something new you can apply to your own life.
• You are insatiable - Most people are never satisfied. If you have curly hair, you want it to be straight. If you have a big booty, you want a smaller one. If you don't have a booty, you want a Kim Kardashian badonkadunk.  I wish he communicated better. I wish she wasn't so fat. I wish...I want...We always want the opposite of what we have. You will continue to make yourself unhappy wanting something else.
• There's always someone else - There's always someone prettier, richer, smarter, luckier, more famous, more likeable, etc. Why hate on THAT one, so why hate at all. It just stresses you out, makes you unhappy, and makes the one you are jealous of LOOK even better than you. WHACK

TODAY'S CHALLENGES : Reach out to that chick you don't like, for no good reason, and pay her a compliment. Make a list of those things you have that you are thankful for, or the qualities of that person you are with that you are thankful for. Your significant other lacking ? Of course they are. At least you think so. Think of the things they are good at doing and compliment them on that. Appreciate the things you have. If you did have the things you THINK you really want there would always be something else you THINK you need.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
William Penn 

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....Step 19

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

There are no HAPPY control freaks....

Let go of....

19. The Need For Control

Sometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring.

When I was a kid, I LOVED roller coasters. I loved that I never knew where the next turn would take me or what the next BIG drop was going to be. I grew up in Texas and there was this super old roller coaster named the Judge Roy SCREAM. lol. We would come to the top of this roller coaster, and there was a sign with bugs bunny on it and the caption above his head said 'Don't look down'.  Sometimes, they would hold us there just a few seconds and then drop us to our ultimate demise! LOVED it. I would ride it multiple times and we went EVERY year. It never got old. 

As an adult, it's not so cool not knowing. At least not for me. I like to know what's about to happen, what's happening, what I can prevent from happening, etc. People see me as that person that maintains this type of control in all aspects of my life. So, when I am not able to accomplish that, I feel unaccomplished. When something is wrong, I fix it. I've always been that person. In my family, with my friends. I don't go to people to get things done. They come to me. I am not used to not having answers, and it scares me when I don't.

I took some tips from Dr. Amy Johnson's blog Tiny Buddha. Check out her link below. The article...The art of surrender.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.

In other words, control is rooted in fear. -- This is key. I mentioned being afraid earlier. The unexpected is scary! You cannot fear what you don't know because, well, because you don't know!

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best.

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path -- This is like that actor that is typecast into the same role. It's comfortable, but what if there is something better out there? 

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

This is ironic because you spend more energy trying to control a situation than if you just let the situation manifest on its' own.  I have high levels of anxiety, and this surfaces often during these situations. 

A great point she makes in this article is 'consider what business you are in'. Are you in the business of something you which you have direct influence. When I am speaking on business I tell people to stay in their lane. Are you in your lane? Or are you in someone else's AND yours?  Stay in your lane. Stay out of other people's kool-aid. Sweep around your OWN front porch. lol. You get the idea...

Today's Challenge

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb