What you say you are, you will be..Step 16

We are on day 16 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

16. Insecurity

Happy people tend to have extremely high levels of self-esteem. They accept who they are and work at it everyday of their lives. They radiate confidence, flaunt their pride and give off positive vibes. There is no reason to be insecure in life. If there are things you are self-conscious about, go out into the world and seek to change them. Only you have the ability to create the best version of yourself.

What we have to realize is that we tend to have insecurities about things WE manifest and nurture in our minds and eventually in our physical. We sometimes like to blame our insecurites and self esteem issues on other people, and although some people may mention things or do things that may initiate certain thoughts within us, we decide how we digest and nurture those thoughts. YOU alone decide if you feel fat, ugly, incompetent, worthless, pretty, etc...No one else makes that determination.

I love this quote. I feel it's so true. Take a look at who you spend most of your time meditating on in your mind and who you spend most of your personal time trying to please. Sometimes we are so anxious to please those that aren't happy with who we are, that we 1. miss out on the people who truly matter and really love us, and 2. we continue to dig a deeper and deeper whole reiterating our lack of self worth, and level of who we are.  Other people are quick to point out things that are wrong with others...Ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, there's nothing wrong with you at all? 

I found this list in an article in the HUFFINGTON Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/02/07/boost-your-self-esteem_n_2632824.html

10 Things you can do now to improve your self esteem. It starts with you...Not anyone else. The word says it ..SELF esteem. OTHERS will think of you and treat you the way YOU allow.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Trying to live up to or exceed someone else’s personal best is a losing game. As the saying goes, “How boring would it be if we were all the same?” Focus on being the best you that you can be.

2. Compliment yourself regularly, either by looking in the mirror and saying something you like about yourself or writing it in a journal. Many times, we’re quick to compliment others on their success but hesitate to do the same for ourselves.

3. Exercise consistently, at least 30 minutes of exercise several times a week, to strengthen muscles and to burn calories. Improve your physical strength, and you may feel a sense of empowerment that can dramatically enhance your self-esteem.

4. Simply smile. The mere act of smiling changes blood flow to the brain and can actually makes you feel happier and relieve tension. A smile sets off chemical and physical reactions within your mind and body, releasing endorphins that boost your mood.

5. Focus on your accomplishments. Forgive yourself for mistakes and focus on the positive by celebrating your victories. Consider writing them down so you can review and reflect when you’re feeling down and need to renew your confidence.

6. Get the support you need to succeed. Join a weight-loss support group, like TOPS, which can help you to stay on track to accomplish your wellness goals. Fellow members will help keep you motivated.

7. Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you generous? Kind? Write down at least ten positive qualities about yourself and return to this list as often as needed to boost your morale.

8. Find something special in each day. Even if it’s in a small way, do something pleasant and rewarding, like catching up on your favorite television show, taking a walk to the park, or indulging in a bubble bath. Or treat yourself to something small that isn’t a food or beverage, like a manicure or a new piece of costume jewelry.

9. Eat better. Pay attention to your food choices and nourish your body. Buy healthier foods and prepare well-balanced meals that will help give you energy and feel like your best self – not sluggish and overstuffed.

10. Explore a passion. Whether it’s a side job, hobby, or as a volunteer, pursuing your passion in even a small way can lead to a sense of purpose and significantly improve your overall happiness and quality of life.

I am ending with this quote because I LOVE IT. It's so true. Why do we give so much value to other's opinions of us? Why are others the experts ? When and why do we allow that kind of power?

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?”― Brigham Young

TODAY's Challenge - I like #7, because clearly, I like lists. Make a list of positive things about yourself, and post it somewhere. Remind yourself daily of the great person you are and the things you contribute to your friends, life and society.

Step 18 ....Your past is not your Future

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Let go of...

18. The Past

Stop living in the past! There is virtually nothing you can gain if you wallow in mistakes you have previously made. Take past mistakes as lessons learned, and move forward. You cannot wholeheartedly move on to a better future if you are constantly looking behind you. Things happened, and that’s that. Take them with a grain of salt and move on.

This story starts with a lady who, by outside appearances comes from a great family, loving siblings and parents.  A typical traditional mom, pop, white picket fence and two car garage household. Her father however, was abusive both physically and mentally and as an adult she told this story often, to people she met. She was rehashing this story with a long time friend of hers who responded by asking 'How long are you going to tell that story and be a victim of that story."  It set her aback and she explained how he ' didn't understand' and how this was a devastating time in her life. He nodded and said, ' I know, but how long are you going to tell that story'.  Sometimes, it's easier to hold on to things that hurt, and hold on to the anger you have for people in your life that are associated with that hurt, instead of forgiving and letting it go.  It's easier and more comfortable to be a victim and blame certain circumstances and reasons for why you cannot move on on other people because we're afraid that we will really fail at it on our own.  It provides us with an excuse because the person in the mirror couldn't possibly have an issue. And if they do, well that's someone else's fault, right?

When you hold on to these feelings and emotions, you also don't allow yourself to be fully expressive with new people and circumstances. Whether you really think it's happening or not, subconsciously you are holding back because this past experience has 'taught' you to be cautious. Learning from an experience is fine, but also remember that this is a different person, who deserves a fresh chance. 

“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you've made, if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

We are all guilty of this either with ourselves or with our friends and in so many ways. How many times have we reminisced on the 'good ol days'. A friend tells us they have changed their ways or are a different person and we are quick to recount all the things they 'used to do' and how that couldn't be true. We keep that ex's number in our phone 'just in case' , and how many times does that usually end up being a drunk dial. : /  We cannot do this or that because it didn't work before. There are not mistakes in life. Everything is intentional. You meet people for a reason. You are thrust into circumstances for a reason. People enter, and yes exit your life for a reason. We make the mistake of thinking that reason is always related to just us. We are a microscopic piece of a huge puzzle that has to fit together just right. It didn't rain just to piss you off. Maybe some crop somewhere needed it. You just happened to be in the area. :)

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Things happen, circumstances happen and people happen. When you get caught up in the why, the who and the how, you stand still. Honestly though, the world keeps moving...as the song goes...With or without you....

Your challenge today....What or who are you holding on to? Sometimes it's good to take an inventory of the people or situations that take up space in your life. Do they contribute to your well being, where you are or where you want to be? Do they WANT to be in your space? Sometimes we hold on to people that have said they don't want to be around. I know it's November...but do some 'spring cleaning'...

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....Step 19

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

There are no HAPPY control freaks....

Let go of....

19. The Need For Control

Sometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring.

When I was a kid, I LOVED roller coasters. I loved that I never knew where the next turn would take me or what the next BIG drop was going to be. I grew up in Texas and there was this super old roller coaster named the Judge Roy SCREAM. lol. We would come to the top of this roller coaster, and there was a sign with bugs bunny on it and the caption above his head said 'Don't look down'.  Sometimes, they would hold us there just a few seconds and then drop us to our ultimate demise! LOVED it. I would ride it multiple times and we went EVERY year. It never got old. 

As an adult, it's not so cool not knowing. At least not for me. I like to know what's about to happen, what's happening, what I can prevent from happening, etc. People see me as that person that maintains this type of control in all aspects of my life. So, when I am not able to accomplish that, I feel unaccomplished. When something is wrong, I fix it. I've always been that person. In my family, with my friends. I don't go to people to get things done. They come to me. I am not used to not having answers, and it scares me when I don't.

I took some tips from Dr. Amy Johnson's blog Tiny Buddha. Check out her link below. The article...The art of surrender.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.

In other words, control is rooted in fear. -- This is key. I mentioned being afraid earlier. The unexpected is scary! You cannot fear what you don't know because, well, because you don't know!

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best.

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path -- This is like that actor that is typecast into the same role. It's comfortable, but what if there is something better out there? 

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

This is ironic because you spend more energy trying to control a situation than if you just let the situation manifest on its' own.  I have high levels of anxiety, and this surfaces often during these situations. 

A great point she makes in this article is 'consider what business you are in'. Are you in the business of something you which you have direct influence. When I am speaking on business I tell people to stay in their lane. Are you in your lane? Or are you in someone else's AND yours?  Stay in your lane. Stay out of other people's kool-aid. Sweep around your OWN front porch. lol. You get the idea...

Today's Challenge

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb