My dog ate my homework....Step 9

We are on day 9 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

9. Excuses

Make no time for excuses. You want to work out, but you don’t have the time? Wake up early and get your gym on. Excuses are only rationalizations that make you feel better about yourself for not doing something you want/need to be doing. You desire results? Stop bitching, and start doing.

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

So, as a professional that trains people in fitness and health, this is my mantra. (wo)Man up! lol.  I can relate this to exercise of course first and foremost. We all have excuses for why we cannot workout. You work crazy hours. You travel alot. You have 12 kids and a family to manage. I have heard it all. I don't discount any person's personal situations. We all have them, and at the end of the day, it's called life..We have to deal with it. Whether we want to or not. Whether we feel we can or not.  How important is it to deal with it is the question.  We wake up everyday and feed ourselves, walk the dog, tend to our children, go to work, do chores around the house, pay the bills,etc. We don't make up excuses for certain things because we feel we have to do these things. Maybe we feel obligated. Maybe the consequences for not doing certain things aren't great enough to warrant the responsibility. If I don't pay rent, I don't have a place to live. That's pretty serious.  If I don't workout. What's the worst that could happen? I'm a little fat and people want to poke my belly like the Pillsbury dough boy.....

But let's change the consequence. Let's say my doctor told me I have just been diagnosed with diabetes, and I could lose a limb if I don't get in better shape. Oh,... then maybe I have time in my schedule. : /
This is how we are with things , people, situations in our lives unfortunately. We have feel an urgency to realize the importance of something. We have to lose something to gain an appreciation for it. You don't know what you've got til it's gone..right?

Life is about choices and consequences of those choices. The older I've gotten, I've been forced to understand that more and more. The more excuses you give, it starts to fall  on deaf ears. Sometimes, you just have to show up. The smallest thing you do for some people, in your mind, may be a big thing to someone else. Show up for others. Show up for yourself. Make a decision and do it. It may or may not work, but at least you did what you said you would.

I read these points in a blog by Scott Young. Lengthy but a good read.

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/11/22/how-to-stop-making-excuses/

Organizing Your Priorities

What’s more important to you right now? Expanding your finances? Succeeding academically? Improving the quality of your relationships? Excuse making is the result of conflicting priorities. When you don’t have a system for making decisions, the tendency is to just go with whatever feels best in the moment.

You can clear this up by defining what your priorities are. The purpose is to aid when one event conflicts with another. If you have to decide between working on a school project or going on a date, you need to look at your priorities. Which ranks higher? Relationships or academic success.

Priorities clears up the need for excuse making, since it simplifies decisions with conflicting values.

With priorities it’s important to define your major focus and minor focuses. A major focus should get the benefit of any extra attention you have to devote to it. Minor focuses shouldn’t be abandoned, but your goal is to put them on autopilot so most your mental energies are devoted to your major focus.

To give an example, my major focus right now is this business. Earlier this year I realized that if I put a concentrated effort, I could tip the slide to where this business could support me full-time. I’m close to there now, but not quite over the line.

My minor focuses are my health, relationships, social life, Toastmasters and school. These minor focuses continue to be worked on while I improve my income. But most my mental attention is going into ways I can expand this website and offer more value.

Splitting your priorities into a single major focus and several minor focuses makes it far harder to put out excuses. Whenever a conflict arises where I would normally offer an excuse, I can simply think of my priorities. When priorities are clear, it is difficult to justify departing from them.

Breaking Down Discomfort

Mixed-up priorities are only a part of excuse-making. Unwillingness to step into uncomfortable situations is another. Success in almost any effort requires taking risks and facing failure. Becoming a great public speaker requires you get up in front of a big audience and possibly deliver a terrible speech.

The problem is when your priorities dictate you need to take a big step, and you can’t do it. This could mean wanting to improve your business, but not being willing to make cold calls or marketing your product.

What results is excuse-making. You find easier tasks to do and excuse your procrastination. Rationalize away the feeling that you don’t feel comfortable going forward.

The fix here is to break down uncomfortable steps. Laziness is just another manifestation of fear. So if you can’t take the next step, break it into smaller parts you can handle. If you can’t get up on stage to speak, try delivering your speech in front of a few friends. If you can’t make a cold call, try calling someone you already know.

Sometimes, however, a step can’t be broken down. You either need to face it entirely or not at all. In these situations you need to get leverage on yourself. Give a friend $100 of yours to hold onto until you follow through. Make a public commitment. Any of these steps will work.

The next time you catch yourself making an excuse, ask yourself? Does this fit within my priorities? If it doesn’t and you still find yourself making excuses ask yourself if there is any way you could push yourself through the next step.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE:
Especially during this holiday season, there are people in your life that you don't always get to spend time with and see. Take the time to spend with the people you care about. The year starts to take off, and it becomes harder and harder to 'fit people in' :) And get in the gym.
NO excuses....

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” 
― Jordan Belfort

What you say you are, you will be..Step 16

We are on day 16 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

16. Insecurity

Happy people tend to have extremely high levels of self-esteem. They accept who they are and work at it everyday of their lives. They radiate confidence, flaunt their pride and give off positive vibes. There is no reason to be insecure in life. If there are things you are self-conscious about, go out into the world and seek to change them. Only you have the ability to create the best version of yourself.

What we have to realize is that we tend to have insecurities about things WE manifest and nurture in our minds and eventually in our physical. We sometimes like to blame our insecurites and self esteem issues on other people, and although some people may mention things or do things that may initiate certain thoughts within us, we decide how we digest and nurture those thoughts. YOU alone decide if you feel fat, ugly, incompetent, worthless, pretty, etc...No one else makes that determination.

I love this quote. I feel it's so true. Take a look at who you spend most of your time meditating on in your mind and who you spend most of your personal time trying to please. Sometimes we are so anxious to please those that aren't happy with who we are, that we 1. miss out on the people who truly matter and really love us, and 2. we continue to dig a deeper and deeper whole reiterating our lack of self worth, and level of who we are.  Other people are quick to point out things that are wrong with others...Ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, there's nothing wrong with you at all? 

I found this list in an article in the HUFFINGTON Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/02/07/boost-your-self-esteem_n_2632824.html

10 Things you can do now to improve your self esteem. It starts with you...Not anyone else. The word says it ..SELF esteem. OTHERS will think of you and treat you the way YOU allow.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Trying to live up to or exceed someone else’s personal best is a losing game. As the saying goes, “How boring would it be if we were all the same?” Focus on being the best you that you can be.

2. Compliment yourself regularly, either by looking in the mirror and saying something you like about yourself or writing it in a journal. Many times, we’re quick to compliment others on their success but hesitate to do the same for ourselves.

3. Exercise consistently, at least 30 minutes of exercise several times a week, to strengthen muscles and to burn calories. Improve your physical strength, and you may feel a sense of empowerment that can dramatically enhance your self-esteem.

4. Simply smile. The mere act of smiling changes blood flow to the brain and can actually makes you feel happier and relieve tension. A smile sets off chemical and physical reactions within your mind and body, releasing endorphins that boost your mood.

5. Focus on your accomplishments. Forgive yourself for mistakes and focus on the positive by celebrating your victories. Consider writing them down so you can review and reflect when you’re feeling down and need to renew your confidence.

6. Get the support you need to succeed. Join a weight-loss support group, like TOPS, which can help you to stay on track to accomplish your wellness goals. Fellow members will help keep you motivated.

7. Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you generous? Kind? Write down at least ten positive qualities about yourself and return to this list as often as needed to boost your morale.

8. Find something special in each day. Even if it’s in a small way, do something pleasant and rewarding, like catching up on your favorite television show, taking a walk to the park, or indulging in a bubble bath. Or treat yourself to something small that isn’t a food or beverage, like a manicure or a new piece of costume jewelry.

9. Eat better. Pay attention to your food choices and nourish your body. Buy healthier foods and prepare well-balanced meals that will help give you energy and feel like your best self – not sluggish and overstuffed.

10. Explore a passion. Whether it’s a side job, hobby, or as a volunteer, pursuing your passion in even a small way can lead to a sense of purpose and significantly improve your overall happiness and quality of life.

I am ending with this quote because I LOVE IT. It's so true. Why do we give so much value to other's opinions of us? Why are others the experts ? When and why do we allow that kind of power?

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?”― Brigham Young

TODAY's Challenge - I like #7, because clearly, I like lists. Make a list of positive things about yourself, and post it somewhere. Remind yourself daily of the great person you are and the things you contribute to your friends, life and society.