Are you destined for more than death...?

des·ti·ny

ˈdestinē/

noun

noun: destiny; plural noun: destinies

1. 1.

   the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future.

   "she was unable to control her own destiny"

   • the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate.

     "he believes in destiny"

   
   

1. 
   

   fate

   fāt/

   noun

   1. 1.

      the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.

   
   

   I had a situation occur today with my keys that made me think on fate and destiny. I noticed before it was 'too late', that I was missing my door key and was able to find it prior to reaching my apartment. When I did reach my apartment, the key didn't work anyways. I was fortunate enough to have been able to buzz a neighbor who came down to let me in and we realized someone in the building had locked the front door from the inside.  I guess it was just meant for me to be locked out.

Which brings me to my question...FATE. Can we avoid it? Can we control it? Are there certain things that are just DESTINED to happen?  That no matter how hard you try to make something work, make things happen, change a circumstance, it will come back to what was 'supposed' to happen in the first place.  How many times have you made all the necessary adjustments to make sure a certain circumstance didn't occur and it happened anyways?

Do you remember the choose your own adventure books? I used to love reading these books because I felt like I had some control as to how the story would end.  You had these different instances throughout the story where you had to choose between different scenarios. The scenarios would take you to a different page where the story would continue and it would proceed in that fashion until you ended the story, hopefully still alive but sometimes in a sticky situation by the end.  If you were anything like me, while reading I would choose but kind of 'peek' at the page to see if that was an acceptable route to take before I would continue. lol. We don't exactly have that option in life.

I found this cover, and it made me chuckle but think...'What if no matter WHAT choice you made, the outcome would always be the same. What would you do differently ?' If I were going to die no matter what I chose, how would I go about reading the book. I mean, would I even READ it at all? Would I be more reckless in my choices? More valiant in my efforts as a hero? 

I ran across another interesting theory:

I currently believe that, in a sense, we cannot make a choice, any choice, other than what we are destined to make. 
Imagine having a clone of our universe, IE: plants, animals, weather, Humans, even the experiences, thoughts, memories, synapses of all brains, down to the atomic level etc, .but neither Universe is aware of the others existence. 
Then if we could "pause" both universes and "play" at the same time where they would be in complete sync, same cloud, same raindrops, same falling leaf, same decisions being made, same thoughts etc from both Universes. 
Would not both "Worlds" continue to run in sync ? 
I propose that they would continue in sync since decisions are made solely on information taken in previously and or situations which we find ourselves.
Then if we paused "Universe A" and allowed "Universe B" to continue to run for 100 years before "playing Universe A" would not Universe A have to follow the exact path that took place in Universe B? If not, then why not?
I think, if the above is true, that EVERY decision we make is the ONLY ONE we can make as it is based on the things around us, and also previous thoughts and experiences, since this is all we have "to go on" when making a decision.
And since these 2 universes are not dependent on each other, would the fact that one does not really exist change this concept any?".....
Not that there is something or someone controlling what we do, just that we have to make THAT choice based on ALL information being presented to us and making any other choice other than that one, is impossible, unless i'm wrong in my thinking.

http://www.ted.com/conversations/6105/are_we_bound_by_destiny_or_c.html

So, this isn't necessarily saying we don't HAVE a choice. We make our own choices, but it's saying because of how your situation is laid out, you will only make CERTAIN choices. It's like you are in a certain environment with a certain background, personality, circumstances, etc. Because this already exists, you are only going to choose a certain way because everything within your specific situation is too unique to do differently.

So, what do you think?

If you knew that no matter what you chose in life, you would always have the same outcome, how would you live your life differently?  Is YOUR story already written?

1. 
   

I Don't WANNA!....Step 10

We are on day 10 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

10. Stubbornness

I know it’s hard to admit, but sometimes you are just wrong. Other people have just as much capability as you do in providing the correct answer, so stop being stubborn and just embrace it. The less stubborn you act, the more open you are to learning new things. Think of all you could be exposed to if you stopped believing in opinions other than your own.

Ouch. lol. 

Stubbornness can lead to many different things and is usually fueled by pride and ego. You have to get past yourself so that you can see things and situations for what they are. For what they REALLY are, or you will miss out on good people, situations, or things that could better yourself.

“Well, I'm stubborn and wrong, but at least I know it.” 
― Vanessa Carlton

PERSISTENCE vs STUBBORNNESS

Because there is a difference, and it is usually in the back end of the transaction. They can look the same, but your driver behind your actions? And how you proceed within the action? Do you listen to others along the way? Is your end goal positive or something uplifting for yourself or others. Does it make sense? Are you open to other options or ideas or is it your way or the highway? I run a business. I have many people that I work with and people that contribute to my team. So many people and so many opinions, suggestions, personalities, ideas. etc. I have to remain open and listen to others. My way is not always the best way. Sometimes, it's not the best way at all. Sometimes, what is motivating my idea or thought is not the best idea for the group. I have to be able to step back and realize when that is happening and make changes. On the flip side, if I believe in something, I have to be able to implement it no matter what. It's not always the masses that want what is best for the masses. You cannot please everyone. Don't spend your time trying to convince or please the naysayers when it is not in the best interest of the community.

“There's none so blind as those who will not listen.” 
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

• Listen to the other side of the story
• Know that you are not always right
• Trust other people, not just you
• Be humble
• Keep an open mind
• Realize being stubborn is good in some cases

This is a hard one to realize sometimes. There is a fine line between holding your ground for something and being pig headed. It requires a lot of inquiry into oneself. Be true to yourself. This is always but especially here, or you could steam plow yourself into a situation by yourself.

Tomorrow may be too late..... Step 11

We are on day 11 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

11. Procrastination

Stop thinking you will finally get to whatever task is at hand tomorrow. Live in the present, and get your sh*t done when it needs to be done. Maximize your time to the best of your ability. Complete each task you need to as soon as you can. This allows you to feel free from worry and stress by getting things out of the way as soon as possible. You also allow yourself more free time to enjoy the things you love.

Who remembers Wimpy from Popeye?

I’ll Gladly Pay You Tuesday for a Hamburger Today

First off, this dude always got on my nerves. I always used to tell my mom, "He ain't gonna paaaay!" lol. And he didn't .  Wimpy was our childhood,...well some of us..childhood lesson on procrastination.  Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
Christopher Parker 

I am a procrastinator. I like to tell people I work best under pressure.  : / Truth of the matter is, I procrastinate because I am a perfectionist. Well if you are a perfectionist, it means everything has to be perfect right? RIGHT, which means I don't complete things until the last minute, why? Because i want to make sure it's PERFECT. Womp womp womp!  

This picture says it all. Not the only reasons one might procrastinate, but covers most of the bases. You are lazy and put things off until the last minute. You put it off because you are afraid of rejection, or failing. You put it off because you keep amending and modifying it until you have it 'perfect'. The scholars call procrastination 'research' :)

“You may delay, but time will not.” 
― Benjamin Franklin

So, tips on how to manage being a procrastinator..

#7 was a good one for me. Rome wasn't built in a day. The world wasn't formed within a few minutes. I don't have to feel like I have to complete everything all at once, as long as I am moving forward that is progress.  
#4 is also a great tip to implement. We usually put things off when we promise it to ourselves, but if we make it known that we are supposed to take care of something, the task carries a bit more weight. Have your friends check you on it. Notice I said FRIENDS. Don't give that responsibility to just anyone.

"Someday is not a day of the week." ~Author Unknown

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - We sometimes procrastinate because we don't know where to start and everything feels overwhelming. So try this..First thing in the morning, don't get on facebook, don't read your email, don't grab coffee...well maybe do that, but directly after, sit down and write down a list of things you need to do that day. Prioritize them and then work off the list. See how many things you can mark off the list before the day is over. Prioritizing in this manner is like logging your food, for those of you who do this. You never know how much you eat unless you write it down. Same with tasks. You may SEEM busy, but busy doing what? Liking posts on facebook? Reading my blog? lol

'Get er done' - Larry the Cable Guy

Envy ...the ulcer of the soul - Socrates Step 15

We are on day 15 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

15. Jealousy

Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.

Jealousy is ugly and really linked to a few things that you need to let go of that we have already discussed. It's a form of control, at least to the person that is jealous.  It can stem from insecurity.  I tend to struggle with this one as well.  I am loyal and exclusive.  I complained previously about always being that go to person for people and how that can be overwhelming. Well, I tend to instigate that behavior.  I like being the person that people need.  CONTROL! I had 3 people call me superwoman in the past week...And although I don't always have that strength, and need support from others, I love the title.

I think most people think of couples or intimate relationships when they hear the term jealous.  I don't want to focus on just those relationships as you can be jealous of what others have, that you don't. You can be jealous of how someone is prettier, better, richer, etc. than you are. This is behavior that is not including the typical, I wonder if my boyfriend/girlfriend likes someone else or thinks that person is better looking, etc.

There were a few tips I liked from a blog on how to overcome envy.

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/07/13/how-to-overcome-envy/

• Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.

This is really important to remember.  There are words to a gospel song I love where they say, 'you don't know my story. You don't know the things that I've come through. You cannot imagine. The pain the trials I've had to endure' (John P Kee, Life and Favor) This applies to you and each and every person out there. You don't know what it took for someone to get where they are or to obtain the things they have. They don't know these things about you, so how can you compare yourself to someone else. You can only run your race. You will always fail if you compare yourself to others. You will never feel like you have accomplished anything, if it's never as good as someone else.

• Be grateful for what you got.

This is self explanatory. You cannot expect to receive more when you are not even grateful for what you have. Be thankful or you will always be dissatisfied.

• Develop an abundance mentality

This again is a mentality shift. Focus on things you HAVE instead of what you DON'T have. It makes you appreciate those things and people around you.

As you read, you can tell there's a pattern. It's all a mental game. Most of this is just turning around your way of thinking. This applies to intimate and not so personal relationships

• Don't hate, appreciate - You know what helps me? If there is someone out there that I am jealous of or something they have that I want, I go to them and congratulate them. Ask them how they got there. People love to speak on themselves, but more importantly it puts you in a better mental space, and who knows, maybe you learn something new you can apply to your own life.
• You are insatiable - Most people are never satisfied. If you have curly hair, you want it to be straight. If you have a big booty, you want a smaller one. If you don't have a booty, you want a Kim Kardashian badonkadunk.  I wish he communicated better. I wish she wasn't so fat. I wish...I want...We always want the opposite of what we have. You will continue to make yourself unhappy wanting something else.
• There's always someone else - There's always someone prettier, richer, smarter, luckier, more famous, more likeable, etc. Why hate on THAT one, so why hate at all. It just stresses you out, makes you unhappy, and makes the one you are jealous of LOOK even better than you. WHACK

TODAY'S CHALLENGES : Reach out to that chick you don't like, for no good reason, and pay her a compliment. Make a list of those things you have that you are thankful for, or the qualities of that person you are with that you are thankful for. Your significant other lacking ? Of course they are. At least you think so. Think of the things they are good at doing and compliment them on that. Appreciate the things you have. If you did have the things you THINK you really want there would always be something else you THINK you need.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
William Penn 

What you say you are, you will be..Step 16

We are on day 16 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

16. Insecurity

Happy people tend to have extremely high levels of self-esteem. They accept who they are and work at it everyday of their lives. They radiate confidence, flaunt their pride and give off positive vibes. There is no reason to be insecure in life. If there are things you are self-conscious about, go out into the world and seek to change them. Only you have the ability to create the best version of yourself.

What we have to realize is that we tend to have insecurities about things WE manifest and nurture in our minds and eventually in our physical. We sometimes like to blame our insecurites and self esteem issues on other people, and although some people may mention things or do things that may initiate certain thoughts within us, we decide how we digest and nurture those thoughts. YOU alone decide if you feel fat, ugly, incompetent, worthless, pretty, etc...No one else makes that determination.

I love this quote. I feel it's so true. Take a look at who you spend most of your time meditating on in your mind and who you spend most of your personal time trying to please. Sometimes we are so anxious to please those that aren't happy with who we are, that we 1. miss out on the people who truly matter and really love us, and 2. we continue to dig a deeper and deeper whole reiterating our lack of self worth, and level of who we are.  Other people are quick to point out things that are wrong with others...Ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, there's nothing wrong with you at all? 

I found this list in an article in the HUFFINGTON Post. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/02/07/boost-your-self-esteem_n_2632824.html

10 Things you can do now to improve your self esteem. It starts with you...Not anyone else. The word says it ..SELF esteem. OTHERS will think of you and treat you the way YOU allow.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Trying to live up to or exceed someone else’s personal best is a losing game. As the saying goes, “How boring would it be if we were all the same?” Focus on being the best you that you can be.

2. Compliment yourself regularly, either by looking in the mirror and saying something you like about yourself or writing it in a journal. Many times, we’re quick to compliment others on their success but hesitate to do the same for ourselves.

3. Exercise consistently, at least 30 minutes of exercise several times a week, to strengthen muscles and to burn calories. Improve your physical strength, and you may feel a sense of empowerment that can dramatically enhance your self-esteem.

4. Simply smile. The mere act of smiling changes blood flow to the brain and can actually makes you feel happier and relieve tension. A smile sets off chemical and physical reactions within your mind and body, releasing endorphins that boost your mood.

5. Focus on your accomplishments. Forgive yourself for mistakes and focus on the positive by celebrating your victories. Consider writing them down so you can review and reflect when you’re feeling down and need to renew your confidence.

6. Get the support you need to succeed. Join a weight-loss support group, like TOPS, which can help you to stay on track to accomplish your wellness goals. Fellow members will help keep you motivated.

7. Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you generous? Kind? Write down at least ten positive qualities about yourself and return to this list as often as needed to boost your morale.

8. Find something special in each day. Even if it’s in a small way, do something pleasant and rewarding, like catching up on your favorite television show, taking a walk to the park, or indulging in a bubble bath. Or treat yourself to something small that isn’t a food or beverage, like a manicure or a new piece of costume jewelry.

9. Eat better. Pay attention to your food choices and nourish your body. Buy healthier foods and prepare well-balanced meals that will help give you energy and feel like your best self – not sluggish and overstuffed.

10. Explore a passion. Whether it’s a side job, hobby, or as a volunteer, pursuing your passion in even a small way can lead to a sense of purpose and significantly improve your overall happiness and quality of life.

I am ending with this quote because I LOVE IT. It's so true. Why do we give so much value to other's opinions of us? Why are others the experts ? When and why do we allow that kind of power?

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?”― Brigham Young

TODAY's Challenge - I like #7, because clearly, I like lists. Make a list of positive things about yourself, and post it somewhere. Remind yourself daily of the great person you are and the things you contribute to your friends, life and society.

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....Step 19

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

There are no HAPPY control freaks....

Let go of....

19. The Need For Control

Sometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring.

When I was a kid, I LOVED roller coasters. I loved that I never knew where the next turn would take me or what the next BIG drop was going to be. I grew up in Texas and there was this super old roller coaster named the Judge Roy SCREAM. lol. We would come to the top of this roller coaster, and there was a sign with bugs bunny on it and the caption above his head said 'Don't look down'.  Sometimes, they would hold us there just a few seconds and then drop us to our ultimate demise! LOVED it. I would ride it multiple times and we went EVERY year. It never got old. 

As an adult, it's not so cool not knowing. At least not for me. I like to know what's about to happen, what's happening, what I can prevent from happening, etc. People see me as that person that maintains this type of control in all aspects of my life. So, when I am not able to accomplish that, I feel unaccomplished. When something is wrong, I fix it. I've always been that person. In my family, with my friends. I don't go to people to get things done. They come to me. I am not used to not having answers, and it scares me when I don't.

I took some tips from Dr. Amy Johnson's blog Tiny Buddha. Check out her link below. The article...The art of surrender.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.

In other words, control is rooted in fear. -- This is key. I mentioned being afraid earlier. The unexpected is scary! You cannot fear what you don't know because, well, because you don't know!

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best.

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path -- This is like that actor that is typecast into the same role. It's comfortable, but what if there is something better out there? 

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

This is ironic because you spend more energy trying to control a situation than if you just let the situation manifest on its' own.  I have high levels of anxiety, and this surfaces often during these situations. 

A great point she makes in this article is 'consider what business you are in'. Are you in the business of something you which you have direct influence. When I am speaking on business I tell people to stay in their lane. Are you in your lane? Or are you in someone else's AND yours?  Stay in your lane. Stay out of other people's kool-aid. Sweep around your OWN front porch. lol. You get the idea...

Today's Challenge

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb