Are you a slave?

I had my kettlebell class last night, and had a new person drop in to try the class out. IF you are ever interested in dropping in on a class and live in or work in the NYC area, shoot us an email, support@phoenyxfitness.com. #shamelessplug

So, this new client was wearing a shirt that referenced a bible verse on the front. I Corinthians 9 25-27, and I  had to ask...

ME : Oh,so I noticed the bible verse on your shirt. What does that verse mean?
Her: Like what is the verse? Oh I don't know.
ME: What do you mean you don't know? You're just wearing a shirt quoting something and you don't know what it means? What if someone asks you? What do you say?
Her: I've never had anyone ask me.
ME: *side eye* (I turn to another student) Did you see her shirt?
Her #2: Yes
ME: Were you wondering what the verse meant?
Her #2 Oh it's a bible verse. I thought it was a date. I thought, Oh , maybe that's her birthday. September ...or something.
o_0

LOL. We joked about it a little longer, but I told her I was going to look it up when I got home and shoot her a note, so she didn't walk around with this shirt on like a person that walks around with a tattoo in another language and doesn't know 'exactly' what it means.

When I did get home to look it up, I thought, 'how appropriate' after I read it. This is what is says in NIV translation:

"25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

For those of you who don't believe in religion, the bible, God, etc. let's get past that for a moment and just read what this is saying. In my line of work, I deal with 'athletes'. Not always professional athletes, but people who train, and YES strict training.  That 'crown' that will not last for my competitors is that trophy on stage.  For my athletes training for a race, or sport, it's that finish line or that win. Whatever or whoever it is, everyone trains to obtain a certain something at the end of that journey. Even the every day person's 'crown' is  a new body whether it be for health reasons or image.  

The part I want to focus on is the last verse...'I beat my body and make it my slave....(so) I myself will not be disqualified for the prize'. MAKE it a SLAVE is a powerful statement.  

Slave defined

• a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.

  
  
• a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
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So, if you are making your body your SLAVE you control it. You make it, mold it, train it, tell it what to do. YOUR body is dependent on you, NOT the other way around. How many of you have repeated any of the below statements while training, dieting, etc....

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• 'I had a craving for a *fill in the blank* and I couldn't help myself...'
• ' Everyone else was out drinking and I could not be the only one that wasn't so I just had a few...'
• ' I was so tired so I did half my cardio. I'll 'make it up' tomorrow'

Who's in control? Is your body functioning in line with your mind or are you allowing your body to control YOU? There are no 'cravings'. Your body wants what you allow it to have. If you never had chocolate, you wouldn't crave it. Once you have it and you like it, if you want it again, and you don't have it what happens? Do you DIE because your chocolate gene hasn't been nurtured? No, it goes away and you live to see another day, maybe a few pounds lighter.

This is mostly for my athletes, which is anyone within the breadth of this message that I am training, pro or not, striving to reach a particular goal. As you fall back on those excuses, I want you to ask yourselves what do you really want. What is your ultimate goal. Are you going to control your destiny, your body or are you a slave to food, alcohol,...fill in the blank.  What have you become excessively dependent upon? 

This could turn into a very interesting segway, but for now, we'll leave it with training. :)

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Don't Just Talk about it, BE about it....Step 8.

We are on day 8 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

8. The Idea That Good Fortune Will Arrive At Your Doorstep

You need to go out into the world and actively look for fulfillment. You cannot take a backseat in life and expect things to happen for you. Appreciate the life you live, and be grateful for what you have. Value each minute of every day. Live like there’s no tomorrow, and make the most out of any situation.

Sometimes, I believe this comes from fear of not wanting to go out and be rejected. Sometimes, I think this comes from flat out not knowing what you want.  This applies to everything and anything.  It you aren't getting what you need from that job, what do you want exactly? Waiting on that 'soulmate'? What does that person have that you want or are looking for in a mate.  Do you know what that is? It's like going to the grocery store hungry, and without a list. You will just pick up everything, waste your money, and your time. Know what you want.

I remember a story I was told once in church about a man that was caught in a flood. Instead of leaving his home, he thought to himself, the Lord will take care of me and stayed in his home. The water started to rise, so the man moved to the top floors of his house and eventually his roof, as this was the only dry part of his house. A man in a boat rowed by to pick him up, and he stated , ' Go without me. The Lord will save me.' So, the boat left. As the water continued to rise, a helicopter flew over the roof. They lowered a ladder to the man, and again the man stated, 'Don't worry! The Lord will save me. I have prayed and am waiting on God.'  Well, eventually, the water covered the roof and the man drowned. He died and went to heaven and was standing at the gates waiting on his chance to speak with God, because CLEARLY, he had some questions. When he reached God, the first thing he asked was,' WHY did you let me die? I prayed and waited for You to save me and You let me drown.'  To which God replied, 'I sent a boat, AND a helicopter to save you. What were you waiting on? A personal invitation?'

Sometimes, we are expecting this royal treatment into things, like we are owed. Or we won't accept things unless they are given a certain way. You never know where something or someone can lead you. If you are presented something that is not exactly as you had hoped, make the most of it. You don't know where it can lead.  We cannot control circumstances, but we CAN control our reactions to them.

So many of us are waiting. Waiting on that perfect 'blank blank blank'. Job, spouse, school, team, situation, circumstance, .... In the meantime, we are turning away other opportunities or people, disregarding their value when you could be turning away what was meant for you all along. Or,we sit and complain about that situation, or person, or circumstance, and instead of making the most of it, making a change to make it better, or getting out of it,we sit around and wait for SOMETHING to make things better. Things don't just HAPPEN. Relationships require work. Work requires work. When you want something to work, you put in the work to make it work. 

Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.

Michael Jordan

It may not always come in a pretty box. It may take time. It may take blood and tears. It may take a day or years. Regardless of how it gets there, don't take your chances betting on it getting there by some magic notion. If you want it, go get it.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE:

Where do you start? Well, first off, you START. Here are a few steps I found on Brazen Life.

http://blog.brazencareerist.com/2013/07/05/4-steps-to-creating-the-life-you-want-and-deserve/

1. Stop wondering what you want and figure it out right now

You may not even know what you want out of your life. Think about it: When is the last time you sat down and did some heavy soul-searching to figure out what you want? Been awhile, eh?

That soul-searching is the one-way ticket to understanding what you want out of your life—so get to it, immediately. Understanding what you really want will help to make you happier and more fulfilled… and who wouldn’t want that?

Tip: Call up your best friend and ask them to help you articulate what you really want. Then write up your vision for an ideal life. Leave nothing out.

2. Create bold, out-of-your-comfort-zone goals

What’s the point of being on this journey if you’re not going to be bold?

Now, I’m not saying you have to do anything irresponsible or dangerous. I’m saying you should be daring. You should be ambitious. You should feel scared. Your goals should feel audacious, and you should know that you achieved more out of life. This starts with creating goals for yourself that may be out of your comfort zone.

Tip: Start small. If your goal is to be the President, you don’t throw yourself into a political campaign, do you? You outline how you’re going to get yourself to that level and take the steps necessary to get there. Same goes for your goal. Pick one thing you can do today and do it. Then choose the next one and keep going.

3. Muster up some confidence to drive you to take action

Confidence is a key element to flipping your system. You’ll find that when you muster the confidence to move ahead with your bold goals, you’ll let go of your fears and your vulnerabilities. Plus, when you start having more conviction in yourself, you’ll discover strategies to fill in any confidence gaps that have kept you in the passenger seat of your own life.

Tip: If you’re having confidence problems, find out why. Is it because your goals are bold and you’re scared? Is it because you don’t know where to start? Perhaps you just need someone to help push you in the right direction. Whatever the reason, raising your awareness is half the battle. Taking action to correct it is the other half.

4. Take charge and do the work

No one is going to do the work for you. Sad, but true.

When you’re making major life transformations, getting up and running is key. Any good design takes more than a couple practice rounds—and so does creating the big, exciting, amazing life you deserve. In the end, you are responsible for finding and creating your own happiness in this life. Don’t lose that momentum! Take charge, get out, be your own driver and move forth with the confidence of knowing you can be great.

Tip: If you get this far and drop down, you’re screwed. Find some tenacity! Don’t procrastinate, because if you do, you’re in the same position as you were when you started this journey. And, quite clearly, that’s not where you wanted to be.

You deserve an extraordinary life. I know that, you know that, the world knows that. You just have to take the right steps in order to get there. So keep the above in mind when you begin your journey. Figure out what you want, set specific goals, muster up some confidence and take charge of your life. You got this! Now get to work!

Envy ...the ulcer of the soul - Socrates Step 15

We are on day 15 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

Let go of...

15. Jealousy

Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.

Jealousy is ugly and really linked to a few things that you need to let go of that we have already discussed. It's a form of control, at least to the person that is jealous.  It can stem from insecurity.  I tend to struggle with this one as well.  I am loyal and exclusive.  I complained previously about always being that go to person for people and how that can be overwhelming. Well, I tend to instigate that behavior.  I like being the person that people need.  CONTROL! I had 3 people call me superwoman in the past week...And although I don't always have that strength, and need support from others, I love the title.

I think most people think of couples or intimate relationships when they hear the term jealous.  I don't want to focus on just those relationships as you can be jealous of what others have, that you don't. You can be jealous of how someone is prettier, better, richer, etc. than you are. This is behavior that is not including the typical, I wonder if my boyfriend/girlfriend likes someone else or thinks that person is better looking, etc.

There were a few tips I liked from a blog on how to overcome envy.

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/07/13/how-to-overcome-envy/

• Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.

This is really important to remember.  There are words to a gospel song I love where they say, 'you don't know my story. You don't know the things that I've come through. You cannot imagine. The pain the trials I've had to endure' (John P Kee, Life and Favor) This applies to you and each and every person out there. You don't know what it took for someone to get where they are or to obtain the things they have. They don't know these things about you, so how can you compare yourself to someone else. You can only run your race. You will always fail if you compare yourself to others. You will never feel like you have accomplished anything, if it's never as good as someone else.

• Be grateful for what you got.

This is self explanatory. You cannot expect to receive more when you are not even grateful for what you have. Be thankful or you will always be dissatisfied.

• Develop an abundance mentality

This again is a mentality shift. Focus on things you HAVE instead of what you DON'T have. It makes you appreciate those things and people around you.

As you read, you can tell there's a pattern. It's all a mental game. Most of this is just turning around your way of thinking. This applies to intimate and not so personal relationships

• Don't hate, appreciate - You know what helps me? If there is someone out there that I am jealous of or something they have that I want, I go to them and congratulate them. Ask them how they got there. People love to speak on themselves, but more importantly it puts you in a better mental space, and who knows, maybe you learn something new you can apply to your own life.
• You are insatiable - Most people are never satisfied. If you have curly hair, you want it to be straight. If you have a big booty, you want a smaller one. If you don't have a booty, you want a Kim Kardashian badonkadunk.  I wish he communicated better. I wish she wasn't so fat. I wish...I want...We always want the opposite of what we have. You will continue to make yourself unhappy wanting something else.
• There's always someone else - There's always someone prettier, richer, smarter, luckier, more famous, more likeable, etc. Why hate on THAT one, so why hate at all. It just stresses you out, makes you unhappy, and makes the one you are jealous of LOOK even better than you. WHACK

TODAY'S CHALLENGES : Reach out to that chick you don't like, for no good reason, and pay her a compliment. Make a list of those things you have that you are thankful for, or the qualities of that person you are with that you are thankful for. Your significant other lacking ? Of course they are. At least you think so. Think of the things they are good at doing and compliment them on that. Appreciate the things you have. If you did have the things you THINK you really want there would always be something else you THINK you need.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
William Penn 

Step 18 ....Your past is not your Future

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Let go of...

18. The Past

Stop living in the past! There is virtually nothing you can gain if you wallow in mistakes you have previously made. Take past mistakes as lessons learned, and move forward. You cannot wholeheartedly move on to a better future if you are constantly looking behind you. Things happened, and that’s that. Take them with a grain of salt and move on.

This story starts with a lady who, by outside appearances comes from a great family, loving siblings and parents.  A typical traditional mom, pop, white picket fence and two car garage household. Her father however, was abusive both physically and mentally and as an adult she told this story often, to people she met. She was rehashing this story with a long time friend of hers who responded by asking 'How long are you going to tell that story and be a victim of that story."  It set her aback and she explained how he ' didn't understand' and how this was a devastating time in her life. He nodded and said, ' I know, but how long are you going to tell that story'.  Sometimes, it's easier to hold on to things that hurt, and hold on to the anger you have for people in your life that are associated with that hurt, instead of forgiving and letting it go.  It's easier and more comfortable to be a victim and blame certain circumstances and reasons for why you cannot move on on other people because we're afraid that we will really fail at it on our own.  It provides us with an excuse because the person in the mirror couldn't possibly have an issue. And if they do, well that's someone else's fault, right?

When you hold on to these feelings and emotions, you also don't allow yourself to be fully expressive with new people and circumstances. Whether you really think it's happening or not, subconsciously you are holding back because this past experience has 'taught' you to be cautious. Learning from an experience is fine, but also remember that this is a different person, who deserves a fresh chance. 

“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you've made, if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

We are all guilty of this either with ourselves or with our friends and in so many ways. How many times have we reminisced on the 'good ol days'. A friend tells us they have changed their ways or are a different person and we are quick to recount all the things they 'used to do' and how that couldn't be true. We keep that ex's number in our phone 'just in case' , and how many times does that usually end up being a drunk dial. : /  We cannot do this or that because it didn't work before. There are not mistakes in life. Everything is intentional. You meet people for a reason. You are thrust into circumstances for a reason. People enter, and yes exit your life for a reason. We make the mistake of thinking that reason is always related to just us. We are a microscopic piece of a huge puzzle that has to fit together just right. It didn't rain just to piss you off. Maybe some crop somewhere needed it. You just happened to be in the area. :)

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Things happen, circumstances happen and people happen. When you get caught up in the why, the who and the how, you stand still. Honestly though, the world keeps moving...as the song goes...With or without you....

Your challenge today....What or who are you holding on to? Sometimes it's good to take an inventory of the people or situations that take up space in your life. Do they contribute to your well being, where you are or where you want to be? Do they WANT to be in your space? Sometimes we hold on to people that have said they don't want to be around. I know it's November...but do some 'spring cleaning'...

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....Step 19

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

There are no HAPPY control freaks....

Let go of....

19. The Need For Control

Sometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring.

When I was a kid, I LOVED roller coasters. I loved that I never knew where the next turn would take me or what the next BIG drop was going to be. I grew up in Texas and there was this super old roller coaster named the Judge Roy SCREAM. lol. We would come to the top of this roller coaster, and there was a sign with bugs bunny on it and the caption above his head said 'Don't look down'.  Sometimes, they would hold us there just a few seconds and then drop us to our ultimate demise! LOVED it. I would ride it multiple times and we went EVERY year. It never got old. 

As an adult, it's not so cool not knowing. At least not for me. I like to know what's about to happen, what's happening, what I can prevent from happening, etc. People see me as that person that maintains this type of control in all aspects of my life. So, when I am not able to accomplish that, I feel unaccomplished. When something is wrong, I fix it. I've always been that person. In my family, with my friends. I don't go to people to get things done. They come to me. I am not used to not having answers, and it scares me when I don't.

I took some tips from Dr. Amy Johnson's blog Tiny Buddha. Check out her link below. The article...The art of surrender.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.

In other words, control is rooted in fear. -- This is key. I mentioned being afraid earlier. The unexpected is scary! You cannot fear what you don't know because, well, because you don't know!

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best.

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path -- This is like that actor that is typecast into the same role. It's comfortable, but what if there is something better out there? 

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

This is ironic because you spend more energy trying to control a situation than if you just let the situation manifest on its' own.  I have high levels of anxiety, and this surfaces often during these situations. 

A great point she makes in this article is 'consider what business you are in'. Are you in the business of something you which you have direct influence. When I am speaking on business I tell people to stay in their lane. Are you in your lane? Or are you in someone else's AND yours?  Stay in your lane. Stay out of other people's kool-aid. Sweep around your OWN front porch. lol. You get the idea...

Today's Challenge

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

Crash Diets and Good Habits - Another Seth Godin production

Seth's Blog: Crash diets and good habits


I am a fan of Seth Godin and today he had a great blog that I had to share. In my line of business, I struggle with people of many sizes, shapes, personalities, emotions, etc, but most of the time, they all want the same thing. They want to look a certain way, and they want it now. Then they tell me all the things they have tried. I've cut carbs. I have eliminated sugar. I've had water and lemons for 2 weeks. I have worked out three times a day. I've  eaten nothing but vegetables for a week. Sigh.

All of these things will get you some sort of a result because most of these will send your body into shock and survival mode, but none of these develop the proper habits you need to maintain the outcome. That is IF you receive the outcome you want. You can always do things to 'lose weight' but being healthy and developing yourself physically and long term takes time, proper nutrition and a physical lifestyle.

I like how Seth associates this with all aspects of life. This is the same in your business, in your relationships, your daily living.  There are quick fixes, and then, there are proper foundations that develop long term results.

Don't be afraid of making changes or sacrifices over the course to better yourself for a lifetime. Let's stop looking for that miracle pill.