Do you like me?...yes, no, maybe, who cares...BE happy STEP 1

The number 1 offender of happiness....You must let go of trying to get....

“If you just set out to be liked, you will be prepared to compromise on anything at anytime, and would achieve nothing. ” 
― Margaret Thatcher

1. The Approval Of Others

Who gives a sh*t what other people think? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then whose business is that but your own? Think of how much you could achieve if you stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life. Do you, and engage in whatever actions you think might better your life.

I posted an article about Mary Mary's Erica Campbell and a dress she was wearing for her album cover. It was a huge ordeal as to whether or not this dress was appropriate for her to wear as a christian artist. Although this in particular has many other moving parts, the foundation of the disgruntlement is the same. The public didn't approve.

Sometimes we focus too much on whether or not we are pleasing others and not on whether or not what we are doing is good for us. There is a time, I feel , that it is appropriate compromise, but at the end of it all, you should do what is best for your. In the end, most people are doing what is best for themselves. If you walk around doing what is best for others all the time, you will miss out on your own happiness.

When you are constantly doing things for others, none of your accomplishments will seem worthy. It will be similar to a hamster in a wheel running and never getting anywhere. People you are trying to please, are not usually satisfied. You will continue to work to satisfy someone that will continue to want more and more from you. You will continue to try to go above and beyond a bar that is consistently raised as you meet it. This is dangerous, especially if you are already someone that is somewhat of an over achiever and hard on yourself as an individual anyways.

I've never been a 'yes' man, per se, but I have always been someone that felt really badly if someone didn't like me. I especially hate it when people around me aren't happy. Now, I do personal training , and lifestyle coaching, for almost 100 people one on one. You see how this can be a problem? When I was in school, I wanted to get in psychology but decided against it while taking courses because I didn't think I would be able to take on the work without taking on their pain. Things come full circle. You always end up in the things you were meant to end up in whether you 'choose' it or not. I am still in a position of taking care of people's problems. Their
'sofa' is just my gym

This is a great quote. It feels good, until it becomes 'desperate'  PLEASE like me. PLEASE be happy. PLEASE accept me.....I have said just recently that I feel happiest when people around me are happy. Even then, I made the statement not really thinking that there was anything wrong with what I said. There shouldn't be a time where we base our own happiness on others. People are flakey, emotional, some timey, and inconsistent. It's like Forest Gump said, you never know what you're gonna get.  :)  You can't live like that. When you are focusing on beinga better person, you are better for those around you and then EVERYONE SHOULD be happy. And when they aren't, maybe you aren't the one that needs to fix something.

How do we let go of this mentality?

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-need-for-approval-to-start-thriving/

How to Let Go of the Need for Approval

1. Build a sound sense of self-acceptance.

The first step is to strengthen your core foundation so that you feel strong enough to go with what feels right for you. This way, you will no longer feel the need to look to others to feel good enough about your choices and decisions.

Keep a self-appreciation journal, where you start acknowledging daily or a few times a week the things you’re most proud of about yourself: choices you’ve made, insights you’ve learned, things you like about yourself, times you’ve stayed true to yourself, or whatever feels right for you.

2. Let go of seeking validation from others.

Secondly, you need to practice letting go of seeking validation for your choices and most importantly, for whom you choose to be.

This means noticing your language, self-talk, and behavior, and identifying when it is coming from wanting someone else to say you’re ok, that you made the right choice, or that you did the right thing.

Instead, when you do make a decision, check in with yourself that it feels right, remind yourself that it is your choice, and give yourself validation for just being you.

3. Evaluate tasks based on approval-seeking efforts.

Lastly, start being honest with yourself when you take on a new task or commitment, whether you are doing it because it is “right” for you or because you want to get approval and avoid disapproval.

Sit down and evaluate your weekly tasks and ask yourself what is really necessary and important, and what is driven by people pleasing. Then slowly work through the “people pleasing” list and eliminate them.

How has the need for approval impacted your life?

TODAY's CHALLENGE - Most of the time, it's about loving yourself, which so many of us have such a hard time doing. Accepting who you are and truly being unapologetic for just being you. We try so hard to fit a 'mold' that someone else made up. Love yourself. Be yourself. Be happy...Be.

People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most.
Wayne Dyer 
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/approval.html#oQcdAqeziO7z1y0V.99

If he only had a brain....Step 4

We are on day 4 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

4. Idea Of A Perfect Partner

There is no such thing as a perfect partner, so throw your checklist out the window. In life, what prevents us from moving forward is looking at the perfect image of a partner we concoct in our minds. Find the right person for you: one that you can love with all your heart, one you feel comfortable with and one that accepts you for the person you are. The sooner you realize there isn’t one perfect person out there for you, the better off you will be.

I love Bob Marley. He makes you scratch below the surface and really think about the real stuff. I saw two versions of this. One about the ladies, as it's quoted above and another about the gentlemen. The one I saw for the men had a phrase at the end that caught my eye, " Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there is always one guy that is perfect for you."  He had this great way of putting things into perspective. Someone that is perfect for you. The statement makes you take the expectation off your partner. This person that has to look a certain way. Make a certain type of money. Work a certain job.  You have all these different criteria they have to meet and never take the time to truly appreciate that person for who they really are.  We are quick to want to mold people we meet into something they aren't. Maybe someone to impress your friends? Maybe an ex? 

There were a few different lists of ways to 'find' the perfect mate. I didn't agree with too many of them although one list, I thought had an important point.

IDENTIFY your top THREE DEAL BREAKERS

Although I don't think you should go in with a laundry list of criteria, you have to have foundational characteristics or things you want from a relationship that you absolutely MUST have and you will not move on these items. Do you want to get married? Maybe you DON'T want to get married. Does the person have to be religious? Do you want children? Maybe you don't want to deal with someone with their own children.  Define those things, and keep to those when you are 'searching'.  If you don't know what you want, or don't want, you may get it. ;)

TODAY'S CHALLENGE if you didn't see it coming already, and you don't already have it, your list. What are your three deal breakers? You will be amazed at how differently you determine whether or not someone is the person for you, with this list. Share in the comments if you are inclined. Would love to hear what's on some of your list's out there!

If I only had .... then, life would be PERFECT....Really? Step 5.....

We are on day 5 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

5. Perfect Life

Just like there is no perfect partner, there is also not a perfect life. Life is what you put into it, so if you are not willing to work hard and put forth effort, you will most likely end up miserable. The choices you make will directly reflect the life you lead. It is up to you to create the best possible world for yourself.

I remember my wedding. I'm not married now, but I've been married before and I planned the entire function myself. I have an incredible amount of respect for people who coordinate these things for a living. It is INSANE. It has so many moving parts and detail. It involves not only dealing with many different people, businesses and places but notifications, deadlines,personalities, traditions, etc. A ton of work over sometimes years for , sometimes, no more than a 20 minute ceremony. The rest is just a party and who doesn't know how to do that. I  still laugh when I hear people say they want the perfect wedding. That my friend is a SETUP for failure. There is no such thing. Someone's kid will start to cry and not go down the aisle. Someone will show up late. Someone will forget to bring something. SOMEONE will do SOMETHING. There is just too much going on. Previously we had expressed how it's important not to place expectations on people.  This is the same thing, on a grander scale. Don't place your expectations on life. As the saying goes, it is, what it is.

When you really believe the above, you really do slow down and appreciate things for what they are.  You cannot change what has happened.  Once life has played out, you take it as it comes and roll with the punches.  Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes, those reasons are not the most evident or will never be made clear. Or, get this, may have nothing to do with you. Sometimes that something is not meant for us to figure out. So what am I saying? I am saying your life is what you put into it. It may not play out the way you want but if you live it to its' fullest, you have no regrets. Love alot, laugh alot, give alot, work hard, play hard, and believe that ever day is that perfect day, because it was as it should have been.

Don't place that expectation on yourself, on your surroundings, on your friends and don't let OTHERS place that expectation on you. You will begin to realize we all have this coded set of rules we live by. We acquired from OUR friends, our family, our environment, etc. A set of rules that everyone SURELY must also live by because we all grew up in the same house right? Wrong. Get it? Everyone's perfect is not the same. My perfect may be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk on a balcony by the beach, which I LOVE all aspects of that statement, btw. LOL. Someone else may hate peanut butter. Someone else may not like sand. Someone else may be afraid of heights, but I shouldn't look at them differently because they feel that way, nor they to me. We go day to day living a life with different people and different lifestyles and backgrounds and expect things to all come together in this perfect ball for US? We aren't even the only ones HERE. Gives a whole nother meaning to thinking the world revolves around us.

I like this quote, but I am probably interpreting it differently than it was meant. My own interpretation of this is not for a particular person. I don't have to have a particular someone around for life to be perfect. I think that can be dangerous to be in that space. People will not always be around physically, mentally or emotionally for you. You cannot base your livelihood on others. BUT, I believe this says that you should appreciate those that are around when they are. Every moment you have with people you truly want to be around you should appreciate those moments. You are not promised those moments or moments after that. If you believe that those moments are perfect moments you won't spend them arguing about the little things. Being upset or mad about simple things. Life is too short. People die every day all over the world. You woke up this morning. I know this because you are reading my words. I guarantee you someone somewhere didn't. Can you imagine how that would be if you woke up, and realized someone you just saw yesterday didn't? Don't wake up wishing you had.....You can't go back.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - This is a task that isn't really a to do or reflective. I am wishing you the best day ever. I want you to go out and look at the world through rose colored lenses. I want to walk out your door and smile at the first person you see. I want you to PURPOSELY have a GREAT DAY. WHY NOT? How many times have we walked out the door and thought, this is going to be a bad day, and IT WAS. YOU are a direct reflection of your thoughts and your mind can bring your thoughts to life. REMEMBER that. You walk your thoughts. When you are thinking while you walk you are distracted. When you reflect on good things you smile, without even thinking about it. When you breathe in life, you emulate joy. Be joyful...And see how many people want to be around you.

HAPPY PERFECT WEDNESDAY!!!

Don't Just Talk about it, BE about it....Step 8.

We are on day 8 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

8. The Idea That Good Fortune Will Arrive At Your Doorstep

You need to go out into the world and actively look for fulfillment. You cannot take a backseat in life and expect things to happen for you. Appreciate the life you live, and be grateful for what you have. Value each minute of every day. Live like there’s no tomorrow, and make the most out of any situation.

Sometimes, I believe this comes from fear of not wanting to go out and be rejected. Sometimes, I think this comes from flat out not knowing what you want.  This applies to everything and anything.  It you aren't getting what you need from that job, what do you want exactly? Waiting on that 'soulmate'? What does that person have that you want or are looking for in a mate.  Do you know what that is? It's like going to the grocery store hungry, and without a list. You will just pick up everything, waste your money, and your time. Know what you want.

I remember a story I was told once in church about a man that was caught in a flood. Instead of leaving his home, he thought to himself, the Lord will take care of me and stayed in his home. The water started to rise, so the man moved to the top floors of his house and eventually his roof, as this was the only dry part of his house. A man in a boat rowed by to pick him up, and he stated , ' Go without me. The Lord will save me.' So, the boat left. As the water continued to rise, a helicopter flew over the roof. They lowered a ladder to the man, and again the man stated, 'Don't worry! The Lord will save me. I have prayed and am waiting on God.'  Well, eventually, the water covered the roof and the man drowned. He died and went to heaven and was standing at the gates waiting on his chance to speak with God, because CLEARLY, he had some questions. When he reached God, the first thing he asked was,' WHY did you let me die? I prayed and waited for You to save me and You let me drown.'  To which God replied, 'I sent a boat, AND a helicopter to save you. What were you waiting on? A personal invitation?'

Sometimes, we are expecting this royal treatment into things, like we are owed. Or we won't accept things unless they are given a certain way. You never know where something or someone can lead you. If you are presented something that is not exactly as you had hoped, make the most of it. You don't know where it can lead.  We cannot control circumstances, but we CAN control our reactions to them.

So many of us are waiting. Waiting on that perfect 'blank blank blank'. Job, spouse, school, team, situation, circumstance, .... In the meantime, we are turning away other opportunities or people, disregarding their value when you could be turning away what was meant for you all along. Or,we sit and complain about that situation, or person, or circumstance, and instead of making the most of it, making a change to make it better, or getting out of it,we sit around and wait for SOMETHING to make things better. Things don't just HAPPEN. Relationships require work. Work requires work. When you want something to work, you put in the work to make it work. 

Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.

Michael Jordan

It may not always come in a pretty box. It may take time. It may take blood and tears. It may take a day or years. Regardless of how it gets there, don't take your chances betting on it getting there by some magic notion. If you want it, go get it.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE:

Where do you start? Well, first off, you START. Here are a few steps I found on Brazen Life.

http://blog.brazencareerist.com/2013/07/05/4-steps-to-creating-the-life-you-want-and-deserve/

1. Stop wondering what you want and figure it out right now

You may not even know what you want out of your life. Think about it: When is the last time you sat down and did some heavy soul-searching to figure out what you want? Been awhile, eh?

That soul-searching is the one-way ticket to understanding what you want out of your life—so get to it, immediately. Understanding what you really want will help to make you happier and more fulfilled… and who wouldn’t want that?

Tip: Call up your best friend and ask them to help you articulate what you really want. Then write up your vision for an ideal life. Leave nothing out.

2. Create bold, out-of-your-comfort-zone goals

What’s the point of being on this journey if you’re not going to be bold?

Now, I’m not saying you have to do anything irresponsible or dangerous. I’m saying you should be daring. You should be ambitious. You should feel scared. Your goals should feel audacious, and you should know that you achieved more out of life. This starts with creating goals for yourself that may be out of your comfort zone.

Tip: Start small. If your goal is to be the President, you don’t throw yourself into a political campaign, do you? You outline how you’re going to get yourself to that level and take the steps necessary to get there. Same goes for your goal. Pick one thing you can do today and do it. Then choose the next one and keep going.

3. Muster up some confidence to drive you to take action

Confidence is a key element to flipping your system. You’ll find that when you muster the confidence to move ahead with your bold goals, you’ll let go of your fears and your vulnerabilities. Plus, when you start having more conviction in yourself, you’ll discover strategies to fill in any confidence gaps that have kept you in the passenger seat of your own life.

Tip: If you’re having confidence problems, find out why. Is it because your goals are bold and you’re scared? Is it because you don’t know where to start? Perhaps you just need someone to help push you in the right direction. Whatever the reason, raising your awareness is half the battle. Taking action to correct it is the other half.

4. Take charge and do the work

No one is going to do the work for you. Sad, but true.

When you’re making major life transformations, getting up and running is key. Any good design takes more than a couple practice rounds—and so does creating the big, exciting, amazing life you deserve. In the end, you are responsible for finding and creating your own happiness in this life. Don’t lose that momentum! Take charge, get out, be your own driver and move forth with the confidence of knowing you can be great.

Tip: If you get this far and drop down, you’re screwed. Find some tenacity! Don’t procrastinate, because if you do, you’re in the same position as you were when you started this journey. And, quite clearly, that’s not where you wanted to be.

You deserve an extraordinary life. I know that, you know that, the world knows that. You just have to take the right steps in order to get there. So keep the above in mind when you begin your journey. Figure out what you want, set specific goals, muster up some confidence and take charge of your life. You got this! Now get to work!

Tomorrow may be too late..... Step 11

We are on day 11 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

11. Procrastination

Stop thinking you will finally get to whatever task is at hand tomorrow. Live in the present, and get your sh*t done when it needs to be done. Maximize your time to the best of your ability. Complete each task you need to as soon as you can. This allows you to feel free from worry and stress by getting things out of the way as soon as possible. You also allow yourself more free time to enjoy the things you love.

Who remembers Wimpy from Popeye?

I’ll Gladly Pay You Tuesday for a Hamburger Today

First off, this dude always got on my nerves. I always used to tell my mom, "He ain't gonna paaaay!" lol. And he didn't .  Wimpy was our childhood,...well some of us..childhood lesson on procrastination.  Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
Christopher Parker 

I am a procrastinator. I like to tell people I work best under pressure.  : / Truth of the matter is, I procrastinate because I am a perfectionist. Well if you are a perfectionist, it means everything has to be perfect right? RIGHT, which means I don't complete things until the last minute, why? Because i want to make sure it's PERFECT. Womp womp womp!  

This picture says it all. Not the only reasons one might procrastinate, but covers most of the bases. You are lazy and put things off until the last minute. You put it off because you are afraid of rejection, or failing. You put it off because you keep amending and modifying it until you have it 'perfect'. The scholars call procrastination 'research' :)

“You may delay, but time will not.” 
― Benjamin Franklin

So, tips on how to manage being a procrastinator..

#7 was a good one for me. Rome wasn't built in a day. The world wasn't formed within a few minutes. I don't have to feel like I have to complete everything all at once, as long as I am moving forward that is progress.  
#4 is also a great tip to implement. We usually put things off when we promise it to ourselves, but if we make it known that we are supposed to take care of something, the task carries a bit more weight. Have your friends check you on it. Notice I said FRIENDS. Don't give that responsibility to just anyone.

"Someday is not a day of the week." ~Author Unknown

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - We sometimes procrastinate because we don't know where to start and everything feels overwhelming. So try this..First thing in the morning, don't get on facebook, don't read your email, don't grab coffee...well maybe do that, but directly after, sit down and write down a list of things you need to do that day. Prioritize them and then work off the list. See how many things you can mark off the list before the day is over. Prioritizing in this manner is like logging your food, for those of you who do this. You never know how much you eat unless you write it down. Same with tasks. You may SEEM busy, but busy doing what? Liking posts on facebook? Reading my blog? lol

'Get er done' - Larry the Cable Guy

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....Step 19

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

There are no HAPPY control freaks....

Let go of....

19. The Need For Control

Sometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring.

When I was a kid, I LOVED roller coasters. I loved that I never knew where the next turn would take me or what the next BIG drop was going to be. I grew up in Texas and there was this super old roller coaster named the Judge Roy SCREAM. lol. We would come to the top of this roller coaster, and there was a sign with bugs bunny on it and the caption above his head said 'Don't look down'.  Sometimes, they would hold us there just a few seconds and then drop us to our ultimate demise! LOVED it. I would ride it multiple times and we went EVERY year. It never got old. 

As an adult, it's not so cool not knowing. At least not for me. I like to know what's about to happen, what's happening, what I can prevent from happening, etc. People see me as that person that maintains this type of control in all aspects of my life. So, when I am not able to accomplish that, I feel unaccomplished. When something is wrong, I fix it. I've always been that person. In my family, with my friends. I don't go to people to get things done. They come to me. I am not used to not having answers, and it scares me when I don't.

I took some tips from Dr. Amy Johnson's blog Tiny Buddha. Check out her link below. The article...The art of surrender.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.

In other words, control is rooted in fear. -- This is key. I mentioned being afraid earlier. The unexpected is scary! You cannot fear what you don't know because, well, because you don't know!

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best.

When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to one “right” path -- This is like that actor that is typecast into the same role. It's comfortable, but what if there is something better out there? 

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

This is ironic because you spend more energy trying to control a situation than if you just let the situation manifest on its' own.  I have high levels of anxiety, and this surfaces often during these situations. 

A great point she makes in this article is 'consider what business you are in'. Are you in the business of something you which you have direct influence. When I am speaking on business I tell people to stay in their lane. Are you in your lane? Or are you in someone else's AND yours?  Stay in your lane. Stay out of other people's kool-aid. Sweep around your OWN front porch. lol. You get the idea...

Today's Challenge

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb