Rebel without a Cause....

a rebel without a cause

phrase of cause

noun: rebel without a cause

1. 1.

   a person who is dissatisfied with society but does not have a specific aim to fight for.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

I have this shirt that, upon purchase, was enticing more for the design than the word. It was loose, hung off my shoulder and was open in the back. Very different and fitting both for my personality, and the front of the shirt. REBEL.  'Someone who resists or defies authority, or the status quo. '

I recently took some much needed downtime and travelled to California. Not my first trip to the state, but my first time in the LA area.  I needed a break, so this trip was scheduled immediately following a big fitness show we participated in in NYC.  During this trip, I really wanted to reflect on myself and obtain some 'answers'...LIFE answers. Usually people have a specific question they need answered. Although, I thought to myself I needed to sort things out, I am not really certain I could lay out the 'things' I needed sorted for someone to help me.  What I did know was I felt uneasy, restless, and lacking. Lacking purpose,...lacking direction....lacking peace  I didn't feel calm. Like I was trying to be still in a bottle someone would continually shake up,..and loudly. It was noisy. In my head...my surroundings,....I couldn't get away from the constant buzz. 

I ran everyday. These were the quietest moments on my trip and the only time I could really shut everything out and think on nothing, and everything. Every morning, I took a run to the water and would just run. Run until it entered my head that I was tired, or I would recognize that the sun was peeping out and people were beginning their day. In that silence, I would listen intently, for a sign...a word. Nothing. 

One day, I had stopped at a Starbucks for coffee and decided to sit there to finish my beverage before heading to the hotel. An older gentleman had taken a seat at one of the 'community' type tables next to mine. I had gotten up to grab something at the counter and when I returned he asked me what my shirt meant. 

'What do you mean?' I asked. 'Why are you wearing that shirt?' He asked. 'Surely, you purchased that shirt to make some sort of statement. What does it mean?'  

I laughed. 'I don't do things the normal way'.  Now HE laughed. ' I like that', he replies. And so my conversation with Luigi began. Luigi, an Italian immigrant who moved to the now Rodondo Beach area as a young man in 1972 and made what he could work for work, work, until he happened upon the trade of carpentry and construction. I sat and spoke with this man for an hour as he continued to lay nugget upon nugget on the table about his life experiences and what's REALLY important in life. He said so much, I told him he should blog little quotes and thoughts each day. I should have recorded him and done it for him. This man still owned a flip phone. lol.  

During our conversation, he would continually ask me why and what do YOU think. Why, why why. What I realized in our discussion was I was the noise. I am the noise, I am the distraction, I am the person shaking up my bottle. The buzz is mine and the voices are me. I move. I am active. I don't sit still, but I'm looking for peace? And when I have silence,...I run. When I had time every morning to listen, I plugged in headphones, and ran, waiting for THE VOICE to drown out the tunes flowing into my ears, and disappointed when I went back to my room without THE ANSWER. What I asked for was a truth that required me to stop and look at myself and deep down, I don't have a complete happiness with the image.

I celebrated a birthday recently. With that came my subconscious mind reflecting on where I've been, what I've done, what I lack, and where I should be. This year, it required a lot more embracing. Who I am,  AND who IS that? What I want, and how that's changed. Where I want to be, live and even who I want to be with and keep in my circle. 

When I started writing, I wrote with the intention of emptying my brain. I wanted the remaining contents to come together and formulate a complete picture that made sense. It rarely happens the way you want right? Although my step by step guide didn't fall from the sky and bounce off my desk, a determination to make things DIFFERENT did.  Making steps towards my whats and eliminating the who's and whats that are not a part of that process. 

A few months ago, I blogged from my last trip in Florida and I mentioned that sometimes you have to leave things behind. Don't be afraid to let things go. I took a picture of an old and very beat up pair of sneakers that I LEFT in Florida. Since then, I had a new pair of sneakers, and although I only had them 3 months, they too are ragged, torn, and ready to be replaced. I took another picture, and left these sneakers in California, but not for the same underlying thought. When I purchased this pair, I got them to get me by, and not because they were the best pair for me. I had my old pair for almost 6 months, and although that is too long to keep a pair of sneakers that you utilize regularly, they maintained for most of that time, because they were a good pair. 

The sneakers I left in Cali

So I left yet another pair, not only to let go, but to find something better, something that will last, and take care of me. I will take the time to find a pair that nurtures that, and not settle on something to 'get me by'.  

Here's to not just getting by. 

Here's to not running. 

Here's to standing still, looking forward with my eyes open, and still being able to embrace the image before me. 

“It is not enough to be industrious; so are the ants. What are you industrious about?"

[Letter to Harrison Blake; November 16, 1857]” 
― Henry David Thoreau, Letters to Various Persons

What is your motivation....Step 6

We are on day 6 of our happiness series....  Things we need to let go of to be happy....

6. You’re Going To Be Rich

Too many people live their lives with the thought that they will be millionaires. While this can be a realistic goal for some, it is not something that can be achieved without hard work and dedication. Stop letting money be your sole motivator; find a career you are passionate about and immerse yourself in it completely.

Not so sexy a topic, lol, but important and can be approached from several angles. Passion for your craft and your priorities.

 I thought this was an interesting chart.  FInding what you love, what your good at, AND what will get you paid is usually a challenge. You have the traditionally well paying occupations that you hear about as a child. The doctors, the lawyers, the educators or educated that pursue a particular craft in business, within corporate,etc. There are people that have a passion for these different jobs, but I would be willing to bet a majority of them do not go into it thinking they are just in LOVE with it.  I have yet to hear a child say they want to be a lawyer because they love to debate. lol.  The people who have to hustle to pursue a dream understand the power of passion and the driver behind it and that is the difference we are analyzing. If you are in it just for the money, you probably aren't very happy. Not REALLY happy. We live in a money driven society, so sure,having money definitely makes living day to day easier, but we are not foundationally built to thrive emotionally on the all mighty dollar.

When I think of someone that supports my next statement best, Steve Jobs is one of those people. Live out your passions, and it will take care of you. If you are truly living out your purpose and what you feel you were given a gift to do...if you are helping others....you will be rewarded for that, here, which I believe is the financial and in heaven.  I do believe in a balance of this power as well. As mentioned in a previous post, things won't just come to you. You have to go and get it. And managing these 'rewards' accordingly so that you are able to live is equally as important as generating them.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE - Pursue as if you have nothing to lose. We are speaking today about your job specifically but as you know, this applies to life. I'm not saying go out and quit your job. ;) If you hate what you do, really take the time to evaluate it and figure out what you like to do, and work towards it. I think sometimes, as people, we like to just sit and complain and be in a position of grief, and then not do anything about it. There's nothing worse than a complainer or a crybaby. Make a change...even if it's just taking a class or picking up a hobby.

Do More of What Makes YOU Happy.... Step 17

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Let go of....

17. Depending On Others For Happiness

At the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake many people do and put your happiness in the hands of others. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.

I am a people pleaser. Not someone that will tell you what you want to hear.  I want everyone to be happy, sometimes to my own detriment.  I will go as far as making myself uncomfortable to keep someone else happy. I like to call it being 'unselfish'. In reality, it  handicaps myself and the people involved.  How many times have I gone out of my way to do something for someone or BE a certain way for someone only to find that it wasn't exactly what they wanted or, they changed their mind.  I find at times that I am doing so much for others, I don't really know what I want anymore. 

Excerpt from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-people-let-other-people-compromise-their-happiness-p1/

What to Do About It:

1. Consider the benefits of letting people dislike you if that’s their choice.

2. Don’t think about being liked; think about being respected.

I am a major people pleaser. I want everyone to like me all the time, and it pains me when someone sees me in a negative light. When I want to say no but feel hesitant, I remember: that person may be annoyed with me in that moment, but eventually they will respect that I communicated what I need and want.

3. Focus on what you did right; not what you did wrong.

If you feel bad that you didn’t drive your sister to work, think of everything you achieved by saying no. You gave yourself time to work on your art. You acknowledged how you felt even though it was tough. And maybe you motivated your sister to finally take her license test. Sometimes it benefits someone in the long run to hear no in the moment.

Some people fall into these patterns on occasion, whereas others live in a constant state of blaming and stressing about other people’s opinions. I know I’ve done my share of both. Both leave me feeling restless and out of control.

On some level, control is always an illusion. Very little is certain in this world. The only things we can control are: what we do, how we interpret things that happen to us, and how we respond to other people’s actions. It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt said:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Conversely, no one can make your happy. No one except for you.

Unfortunately, people naturally take advantage of situations. We will milk it for all its' worth, or all THEY are worth. For people who really are very giving, this is a hard pill to swallow.   I had a friend tell me once that I would know when I was truly starting to do things for myself, when I made plans or thought of situations, completely void of anyone else.  As simple as that sounds, I found I wasn't doing that as often as I would have thought.

What to Do About It

1. Let the past remind you other people can’t make you happy.

You’ve likely had other relationships. Other people have probably given you things you wanted before. Did that solve everything? Did your life suddenly become perfect? When you realize it has never worked that way, it’s easier to acknowledge it won’t in the future, either. Which then leads you to evaluate whatyou can do for yourself.

2. Identify the benefits of taking responsibility.

It’s scary to take full responsibility for your happiness. If it’s all on you, you have to do something. Find your purpose. Fulfill your passions. Take initiative and keep doing it. It also means you can feel happy without depending on someone else. What better tool to have inside you then the power to make yourself feel good no matter who is in your life?  

3. Consider the idea of impermanence in relationships.

Not even marriage ensures someone will be in your life forever. Death or divorce could change everything—it’s just a fact of life. Do you really want to pin your joy to a moving target? Relationships are always in flux, and can end at any time. By finding joy within yourself, you set the stage for lasting bliss. What can you do today to tap into happiness?

Your challenge for today....make a list. What things make you happy. Things of those things you do, situations you are in, places you go, etc, that bring you to a place of peace. Write those situations down, and then...? Well, do more of it. The people that are around you that truly care for YOUR happiness, will still be there, and will like the you, YOU are better. 

A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. Jawan

Happiness....the 20 Step Series....

Today is the first day in a 20 day series on the breakdown of  a list I saw about 'WHAT YOU NEED TO LET GO TO BE HAPPY". And who doesn't want that right?

http://elitedaily.com/life/20s-things-you-need-to-let-go-to-live-happy-life/

Let go of... 

20. Expectations

Managing your expectations is the key to happiness. If you let go of expectations, you will never be disappointed. Often, we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. Do not expect a certain result from any given situations. Go into an experience with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself, without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.

I have a really hard time with this one. (I have a feeling I am going to start most of my posts with this statement)  I tend to live by the 'treat others as you want to be treated' theory. I tend to think that 1. People are looking out for me, 2. People are going to do the RIGHT thing (and what is that) and 3. People have the same foundational notions that I do. None of these statements are accurate. I think it's hard to operate in a state of just 'being' or 'doing'. Who loves someone not EXPECTING to be loved back. Or does something for someone and is happy to never be acknowledged.  It makes you really do things JUST because you want to do them, and truly evaluate why you do the things you do. 

This means accepting people for who they are and giving without reservation, or don't give at all. I had a teacher that told me once in grade school, don't lend out your pencil if you expect to get it back. Give expecting nothing and when you get something in return, you didn't expect it. 

Today's challenge is to do without expecting. Enjoy the now. I'm ready to begin....Are you?

“Give without expectation, accept without reservation, and love with hesitation.”